A sign by the toilet in the coffee shop I was in at lunchtime said "Only put tissue paper in the toilet."
I thought this sign left some room for misinterpretation. Was it saying that the toilet was only for the disposal of tissue paper - and presumably of completely clean tissue paper, because if you had anything else smeared on it and then put it in the toilet you would be putting something other than tissue paper in the toilet?
What kind of cafe has a facility for the disposal of clean tissue paper and not somewhere where one is able to defecate and urinate? It seems a lot of expense to build a toilet that would be capable of disposing of all kinds of waste products and then use it solely for the jettisoning of perfectly good tissue paper.
Or was it saying that if you had tissue paper the only place you were allowed to put it was in the toilet? You couldn't put it by the sink or on the baby changing table, you could only put it in the toilet. Furthermore would that mean that if you had some tissue paper in your pocket that you would have to put it in the toilet? Because if you left it in your pocket then you would not only be putting it in the toilet. Or maybe you could keep it in your pocket, but if you removed it from there and wanted to put it elsewhere whilst in this room, the only place you'd be allowed to put it was in the toilet.
But what if there was tissue paper elsewhere in the room, would you have to put that in the toilet or could you leave it where it was? Because there was lots of toilet paper in the room, so was the sign requesting that i put it all in the toilet, all in one go? Was it a crime to allow toilet paper to be sitting in the room and not in the toilet when the sign was saying that it should only be put in the toilet?
But is toilet paper tissue paper anyway? Isn't tissue paper specifically used for blowing noses and the such-like and occasionally used for wrapping presents? It can be used as toilet paper if you're deperate but is not as absorbant usually. So is that the only paper that you have to put in the toilet/the only thing you are allowed to put in the toilet? What if you call toilet paper, "toilet tissue"? Can you/must you put that in the toilet then?
The meaning is certainly ambiguous. I wanted to put some of my wee in the toilet and no tissue paper. Was I allowed? Should I put some of the toilet paper in as well as my wee, just to try and keep all bases covered? Or would the prescence of the wee contradict the sign and leave me liable to prosecution? Should I wee in the sink? There was no sign telling me what was or wasn't allowed in there (although you might argue that the sign by the toilet possibly implied that I mustn't put tissue paper in the sink, as it was only allowed to go in the toilet).
Now logic may dicate, based on previous experience that what the owners of the cafe were asking was that their patrons did not put paper towels or sanitary towels or nappies or other such unflushable items into their lavatory. But that is not what they had put on the sign. If they had meant that they should have listed all the things that they thought were allowed to go in the toilet. This is the sign I would have written,
"The only things that you are allowed to put in this toilet are:
a)urine (either your own or some urine that you are managing for a friend or animal. Please ensure that no more than four pints of urine are placed in the toilet at any one time without flushing. But feel free to dispose of more than four pints of urine if you are prepared to put it in gradually, flush and then wait for the cistern to refill)
b) faecal matter (this time not including that of any animal larger than a sheep as larger mammal faeces, such as elephant or whale, can be too big to flush away)
c) Toilet paper either clean or that has been used to clean up the bodily fluids and excreta of you or someone or something that you are caring for. This time you may if you wish use tissue paper that has been used to clean the anus of an elephant ot whale as long as the amount of fecal matter on the tissue is not larger than the size of an average four year old child's fist - please see attached chart of child fist sizes and judge from that.
d) tissue paper either clean or that has been used to mop up any bodily fluid (see c) for limitations on this), provided the tissue paper is of under fifteen centimetres square in dimension.
e) spit, of any creature, subject to the four pint limit as mentioned in a)
f) gametes of a human or any animal, this time to a two pint limit per flush, due to its consistency.
g) blood - up to three pints per flush.
h) pus, mucus of any kind, bogies, tears, ear wax, smegma, milk, scabs, tics, leeches, lice, warts, skin: provided they are no more in amount than the size of a fist of a 3 year old child - see chart.
i) animal flesh or internal organs (diced) of no larger than the fist of a 2 year old child - see chart. No human flesh, organs or digits may be flushed down this toilet under any circumstances.
j) Any drinkable liquid eg) water, coffee - up to the four pint maximum per flush
k) toilet bleach
l) hair - of any kind of any species, but only in small clumps or preferrably single strands.
If you have anything else that you wish to flush down this toilet and feel might be permissible but is not mentioned on this sign then please ask a member of staff, informing them of the dimensions of said article."
I am pretty sure that would cover it and prevent the dilemma which caused me to be stuck in that coffee shop toilet for most of Sunday afternoon.
