Warming Up #3995
The day started badly as I had a very realistic dream in which I discovered I had won 20.2 million pounds on the lottery. Not only was I very much delighted by this I also at one point stopped and thought hard about whether this might just be a dream, realised that it was definitely real and then started thinking about how I'd spend the money. But before I could I woke up and then felt bitterly disappointed that I wasn't in fact a multi-millionaire. It was a real kick in the balls. And partly because I didn't think that money meant that much to me, but it turns out I would really like to have 20.2 million pounds. Who'd have thought it. Damn my subconscious for making that prize money so believably random. I can't even remember the numbers I played, but I know there were eight of them. Which might be a sneaky way to improve your chances of winning if no one notices. Maybe try playing 49 numbers. Victory will be guaranteed as long as no one spots your cunning plan.
But if I want 20.2 million pounds - and I do (but no more than that, I am not greedy) - then I am going to have to earn it the old-fashioned way. By exploiting the poor in some way and then making some kind of deal with the government where they turn a blind eye to my tax irregularities. Tragically my first dream thought about winning that much money was that I'd be able to put out the Meaning of Life series for free. I'd still be left with 20.18 million too!
But I think that's why I am thinking about money.
It was the worst of both worlds though. I had discovered how much being obscenely rich would mean to me (I can't tell you how delighted I was), but I didn't have the money that the dreamscape had promised me. I hadn't even had a chance to spend any of it in the dream. Today's Metro column also detailed another time I had been let down by my stupid subconcious.
Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket though. Which country lets you choose 8 numbers? And has a 20.2 million pound jackpot?
The nerves that I am feeling about my new enterprise (just 16 days away now) did not translate into me having great ideas today. I pottered around, continued trying to come up with lyrics for the theme song and then had to go out to do a gig. The plan had been to try out some new material, but it didn't seem right to ruin the audience's Friday night out, so I had a crack at some stuff about love and death. It was for the best, as I was headlining and I had to think of the paying punters and give them as good a show as possible. And there is time enough to get the Meaning of Life script licked into shape. The more I think about it, the more I realise this is a very exciting opportunity, both to showcase what I can do (on a limited budget and with limited time) but also what is possible online. And I think I've settled on a way to put it out (at least in the first place). I think I am going to put our a free 30 minute audio and video and then have a pay to download longer version for those who want to contribute. I hope that by encouraging non-payers to come to my live shows or buy my DVDs I might make back my investment. And once the series is complete we will release a bumper DVD package with out takes and extras. If people like it and want me to do more of the same kind of thing then they can vote with their wallets. If not then I have still achieved something (hopefully at least slightly) remarkable.
I think enough people will pay for me to get back most of my investment, but I can still increase the value of me and my stuff as a "commodity" if the people who like it tell their friends to watch it too. Ultimately if broadcasters and/or potential sponsors see that it is popular then my stock rises. The upshot of this for all of you is that you're going to get about three hours of comedy for nothing over the next few months. Don't worry about me. I am going to win 20.2million pounds. You don't need to be Joseph and the technicoloured dreamcoat to realise that that dream was a definite portent of the financial success of this project.
Or the fact that it's a ridiculous and fantastical gamble. Fuck it. You don't get anything if you don't try. Now I just need some jokes.
For those of you who've watched or listened to the Rufus Hound RHLSTP, this is the job that he'd just got, but couldn't talk about. That is pretty exciting for him. Well deserved too, as you'll agree if you've heard the podcast he is a lovely guy. I am relieved because I was worried that the secrecy was down to the fact that he'd been offered a job replacing me on RHLSTP. You wouldn't even have to change the acronym. That's the annoying. Now my only real competition for the role is Rich Hall and Russell Howard. I don't think Rolf Harris is going to get it now.