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Coincidentally after my recent blog about the stars lining the staircase at Crewe Lyceum I discovered that my photo does grace the walls of at least one venue in the county. I am up on the wall of the Cardiff Masonic Hall (which is the one that everyone is aiming for) along with Charlotte Church, Henry Kelly and some others who would not look out of place in the starting line-up of the Celebrity race of the Royal Parks Half Marathon. Someone suggested that my photo was underneath that of Ian Watkins, the disgraced and evil front man of the Lost Prophets, though in actual fact that is in fact someone much worse, the broadcaster Andrew Collings.
Fame! I’m going to live forever. If the photo stays up until 2044 I wonder what the middle range entertainers who get to play that venue will say about me, if anything. Do let me know if you are one of them. Jaunt a psych-miss (missive) into my brain, still being kept alive in a robot casing, with my own robot voice. To use your parlance.
I had one more gig to do before I headed home and after that dip after the long drive to Crewe I haven’t found the week to be too taxing. Maybe I could go back to touring alone again. Economics might dictate that that’s the only feasible way to do it. I saved a good chunk of money in terms of wages and hotel bills by doing these five gigs alone. And although I had sold more tickets that last year at Warwick Arts Centre, this was only by dint of the fact that I had sold out the small venue last time and insisted on going back into the bigger room on this visit. There were over 200 in, which is fine, but three or four years ago I was pretty much filling this large room. So maybe that’s indicative of a general decline. That’s still enough people to have a nice time and make a living, but after all those years of slow build it’s worrying to be in decline. Though I’ve pretty much accepted that my place in this world is always going to be niche and overall this week has sold a lot better than I feared it might.
And I was up against Susan Calman (not literally just yet, but if she plays her cards right) and I know a few people had to make a choice between us. Possibly she should have been in the bigger room and I in the smaller one. She came into my dressing room and marvelled at me having a fridge and a toilet, but I thought to myself, “Let me enjoy my fridge and toilet Susan, you’re on your way upwards and one day all these things and more will be yours. This may be the last time I have my own toilet and fridge at this venue. No one knows what the future will bring. That’s show business. One day you’re on the wall of the Cardiff Masonic Hall and the next day you’re forgotten. Sometimes that happens on the same day.”
I may have to content myself with playing the small rooms at venues and maybe I will never get to play the massive room at the Wolverhampton Civic in my own right (which is my only show business ambition), but as much as it would be nice to be heralded as the greatest comedian of all time, I am happy to keep pootling along. I have a quarter of a century’s perspective on all of this.
I was tired when I got home, but was cheered up by seeing my new iPhone 6. But I left it syncing and updating and didn’t have time to play with it, so had to make do with interacting with my wife and my cats. It felt like I’d been away for a while, but it’s so great to have a person and a half and some cats to come back to.
