I was on my way to my good friend tiny Toe-knee Brennan's stag night. It is good that he has found a wife despite his handicap of being the size of an elf. It just shows that there is someone for everyone out there.
I came out of Baker St and went to cross the road to the Globe pub where the stagging (I said stagging, ah yes you read it clearly) was taking place ("all the world's a stag" after all), but I was so vigilant about looking out for be-ruck-sacked idiots intent on failing to blow themselves up properly and for policemen who might just take a dislike to me and decide to shoot me in my head (perhaps figuring that it was possible at some point in my life that I might try and blow some people up, so best to be sure) that I almost failed to see a double decker bus bearing down upon me.
Luckily I managed to spot it just before I stepped in front of it and it struck me how annoying it would be, in these difficult times, just to be killed in a normal stupid way, rather than in some big atrocity. We are all so vigilant to the possibility of sudden death at the hands of a brain-washed extremist that we have forgotten that life is full of dangers and that there are many more likely ways that our existence will be snuffed out in painful and stupid ways that we can't even blame on anyone else. It's pretty dumb that suddenly we are more conscious of our mortality when there are a million more likely ways for us to go. Which isn't to say that people blowing things up in confined spaces isn't an annoyance, just that we should maybe get things in perspective.
I then went on to bombard my body with beer and pizza for about seven hours, which obviously isn't going to do me any harm. Listen up you terrorists, we're doing a perfectly good job of killing ourselves without your assistance, thank you very much. Please leave us to get on with it. Ironically by putting bombs on things you are encouraging us to stay in and not get run over or destroy our livers with booze. Your actions have already saved the lives of dozens of people who would have died if you'd just done nothing. You are only helping us.
