Since the events of 7/7, I have started catching the eye of people passing by much more often that I used to. Annoyingly I have noticed that if the person whose eye I catch is dressed in traditional Muslim clothing I will give them a little reassuring smile as if to say, “It’s OK, I don’t blame you for what happened and I am your friend”. I can’t work out if this is something mainly nice that I should be slightly ashamed of or something very patronising, albeit with nice intentions at the heart of it somewhere. Though I know at the end of the smile I involuntarily pull a face that says “Please don’t kill me,” which rather spoils the effect.
I think I do smile at other people too, so maybe I am expressing solidarity in being a Londoner at this difficult time, but I definitely do it more to (mainly female) Muslims. I will also give more of a smile to people dressed in other religious garb, though this smile is meant to convey the message “It’s OK. I know you are a Sikh, but I expect you are getting some flak from idiots who don’t know the difference between one religion and another, so I will show you that I know the difference. I am your friend.” Then I do the “Please don’t kill me” grimace as well.
Sometimes I am not sure what religion the clothes the person is wearing signify that they belong to, so I kind of have to give a smile that says both “I don’t blame you” and “It’s OK, I know you are not a Muslim” which is a bit hypocritical because I am not actually sure.
Ironically I am scared to smile at most of the white people in my locality, because I think they will think I am weird or gay or something and actually try and kill me. So if I am racist I am more racist against my own kind, which at least makes me some kind of good or possibly insane racist. ItÂ’s hard to call isnÂ’t it?
I presume I am not the only idiot behaving in this way. I wonder how the various ethnic populations are feeling about this bewildering new communication that didnÂ’t exist a few weeks ago. Does it make them hate me or pity me or does it give any comfort, which to be fair to my stupid self is at least the intention at the heart of it . I suppose it is better than the occasional comments (thankfully very occasional) I have seen (usually from white men drinking special brew from cans in the afternoon) directly blaming people in religious clothing for the bombings.
I have to say that so far the smile has not been extended to anyone in religious garb or not, black or white, who is carrying a bit rucksack. They just kind of get a queasy glance and a close of my eyes and a prayer to the god of my atheist religion that they are not a bomber, or are at least a bomber who is too stupid to be able to blow himself up properly.
