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Matt Nichols proved to be at the centre of that Parks and Rec/Addams Family Pinball Venn Diagram. I am delighted to have provided this individual service for him.
We’ve been fairly lucky with sleep so far since Phoebe’s arrival, but the strain of touring and being woken up during the night to fill tummies and wipe arses (worrying that that is plural, but once you’ve started wiping arses it is hard to stop- in for a penny). I am still determined not to be broken, but this photo shows that my daughter knows that I will be defeated. I am exhausted and she is delighted. But I will continue to pretend that I am in charge.
Although the tour shows are taking me away from home a bit, I am loving being a hands-on dad when I am at home, though today my wife talk Phoebe out for a baby massage class. I had no idea what kind of a pervert I had married. How do Amazon know back in 2010 (or whenever it was that this turned up - cf AIOTM) that I would one day have a baby that would one day be massaged. Who massages a baby? My wife that is who. There was a point today where I had to mix up Phoebe’s formula while my wife was upstairs and I realised that I couldn’t do that one handed. With nothing else to hand I placed my daughter in an empty box that a recent delivery had come in. I am not sure if this makes me a brilliant or terrible father, but I was regretting the money we’d spent on a crib and Moses Basket. This cardboard box did the job just fine and came with some scrunched up paper to act as a mattress. And did not the Lord Jesus start his life lying in an animal trough? I am not saying Phoebe is the new Jesus - oh hold on, I can say that, because I am not her. I will be fucking pissed off if God turns out to be the father of my baby though. Obey your own rules, dude. Though shalt not commit adultery. Do as I say, not as I do, much?
I felt tired on stage tonight and a bit hot and sweaty in the second half. I hope that the audience didn’t notice my slight shakiness. I had perhaps added to my fatigue by using the 90 minutes before the gig to put together
the fourth episode of the Lord of the Dance Settee Podcast. Also available
on iTunes. The pickings from last week’s gigs were not as rich as for episode 3, but I did discover that I had set off my recording much too early in Maidenhead and so was able to show you (in audio) how I pass those moments of white hot tension before stepping on stage. Give it a listen. For those of you who think it must be nerve-wracking performing stand-up it might be a bit of an eye-opener. It’s mainly me tunelessly whistling and chatting to Giles. I was going to edit it down a bit, but then I thought it would be funny for you to hear it in its full Partridge-esque glory. I hope these podcasts will give you insight into the life of a crumbling old comedian and hopefully encourage more people to come to the shows.
Go Faster Stripe has extended its Crazy Sale. You can now get the deluxe Fist of Fun sets for £10 off at just £15 a series, plus the Talking Cock DVD for a tenner and “10” for just £5. There’s loads more stuff there including my Warming Up books going for a song. And great stuff from other comedians too.
Fill your boots here.
