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A Saturday afternoon stone clear/dog walk started in bright Bank Holiday sunshine (admittedly coming an hour or so after an unexpected May hail storm) and all seemed right with the world. But as I crossed on to the field that I intend to clear of stones over the rest of my life time (as long as I can live for another 700 years) things began to change and storm clouds gathered. And just as I crossed the field, with no cover nearby the Heavens opened and the Stone Gods showed me their displeasure in me (or possibly their pleasure in me, it’s difficult to interpret the meaning gods who do not just say what they are feeling) by pelting me with hail stones (do you need more proof? Only the stone gods would choose stones as their means of punishment/encouragement). There was a huge flaw of lightning in front of me (within a mile) and then and almost immediate clap of thunder. Although I was in quite a precarious position and the ice from the sky was pummelling me in the face, my main regret was that I had not decided to podcast this jaunt. This would be gold. Especially if, as I feared the approaching storm was going to skewer me with a bolt from the grey, perhaps using my controversial archaeological trowel as a lightning rod. I knew that people would find it highly amusing if I was killed out on the field in this manner. And I accepted my death. It was worth it for the laugh.
I managed to run and take shelter under the trees and bushes that line the field, unsure of whether that was the right thing to do. It helped me not being hit by icy stones, but it might make me more of a target for the fire from the sky. Luckily I could see the storm veering off in the other direction and soon enough it was sunny again.
Were the Gods angry with me for planning to take stones off the field to send to gleeful (but cursed) Kickstarter backers? Or were they showering me in stones as a celebration of all the work I’ve put in so far and encouraging me to carry on? To the stone gods there is nothing more complimentary than a shower of stones. And if they wanted to kill me then they had the power to hit me with actual stones, maybe from a volcano.
So I am none the wiser as to what they wanted from me, but it was an exciting escapade in the middle of a dull day at home. And a valuable lesson in the importance of recording all stone clearing jaunts in case something of this magnitude should occur. It was as exciting as Game of Thrones and a tale of fire and ice.
If `I die out here though, it is literally what I would have wanted. Bury me neath my cairn.
