5091/18011
I think for the 12th consecutive year, I came to the Frog and Bucket in Manchester in Oct/Nov to perform my tour show. I may be wrong, but I think it began with Someone Likes Yoghurt in 2005 when I bumped into Chris Addison in the street (when I was feeling psychologically lost and depressed and much more desolate than that blog really reveals). I have had some brilliant times at this venue in the intervening 11 years, both on and off stage, a few run ins with hecklers, been the drunkest I’ve ever been whilst performing (as Jason Cook plied me with drink in a late night gig that was all about what happened if the performer was pissed - long before Drunk History and just as good an idea for a TV show) and been sucked off into the night to enjoy the city’s nightlife.
Nowadays the fun is pretty much confined to the stage. I am too old to want to drink more than maybe a bottle of beer in the hotel afterwards as I wind down and I actually nearly hobbled my performance by eating all of my complimentary pizza before the show and getting over full and bogged down with cheese and the slightly doughy bread base. In spite of being weighed down and feeling a bit queazy the first half flew by. I am still working on the best material and ordering for the second half (I seem to be trying to do the lighter, more stand-uppy bits in the first half and going for wall-to-wall laughs, whilst doing some of the tricksier and more thoughtful pieces in the second. It worked very well in Sheffield, but I think I changed the order this time and things felt a little bit bogged down. It’s probably too much to do both the genealogy of Jesus and the Tancredo Nevis stuff from Christ on a Bike, but I fucking love both those routines). Bit overall it felt like a strong show and I seem to be working through the fatigue (this morning Phoebe slept until just after 6 which is a result compared to the rest of the week - and I just know I will wake up early in the hotel tomorrow even though I don’t have to).
Sutton Coldfield now added to the The Best tour - book quickly for that one, it sells out fast. Here are all the dates. BOOK NOW, why don't you?
There are many signs that I must get back on my diet. Today on the journey up my belt broke - I think because it was a cheap belt rather than I had bust it and it was the buckle that gave out. I popped into Debenhams once I got to Manchester to buy a new one. As my trousers were hanging off me and falling down (maybe I don’t need to go on a diet -see) I put the belt on in the store and headed on my way. As I left the security guard at the door said, “Excuse me sir.” I assumed I had been spotted putting on the belt and was all ready to fish out my receipt and get all insolent about how dare I be accused of a crime when none had been committed (though it would be karma for my previous life of crime and my occasional current day theft of pick ’n’ mix sweets (but maybe the broken belt was karma for that). But it turned out the middle-aged Debenhams security man was a fan of my Metro column and wanted to shake me by the hand. I was reluctant to do that in case all the cutlery I had stolen from the store fell out of my coat sleeve, but I got away with it. It’s strange, but rather pleasant to be recognised from a newspaper column. My by-line picture is not the great so I am surprised he knew it was me. But lucky I didn’t kick off about being stopped or start admitting that whilst I hadn’t actually stolen anything today, I had in fact stolen plenty of things in the past, but there was no way he could prove it and surely it wasn’t within his powers to arrest me for stuff that had happened elsewhere and that he had no evidence for beyond my CJ from Eggheads-like needless confession.
The audio RHLSTP with Caitlin Moran is now up here and on iTunes. Her kickstarter is here
Video versions are here
