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Yesterday as I bumped my suitcase down the tube steps, a young man asked me if I needed any help. I didn’t. The suitcase was more or less empty (as I’d had programmes in it for the show) and was just being lazy, but I think this may have been the first incidence of a young person offering me a hand due to me looking old. That is a life landmark that you don’t want to achieve. Sure I have grey hair and look weak, but I am not even 50 mate.
I wouldn’t have minded his help on the way to my gig in Canary Wharf, where once again the same suit case was now full of programmes. But nobody offered to assist now did they? Not when I was really struggling.
On the way home, I got to the tube escalator at the same time as a few stragglers from my audience and one of them offered to carry my suitcase. But this, I think, was out of reverence for my comedy genius and only partly because I am a bit old. And in any case the suit case was again, more or less empty. Is there a gang of fake do-gooders going round London, only offering to help with suitcases when they know that the suitcases are empty? It seems unlikely, now I think about it. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
The gig was in a surprisingly high-tech pop up venue in Canary Wharf and was a bit odd because it was in the round. It meant I couldn’t use my screens, so had to dredge up some old routines to fill the gap left by the genealogy of Christ. But also had to keep moving and turning so that everyone got a chance to see my face or not just see my arse. Also they could all see each other, which made for an odd atmosphere to start with. And I wondered if it was going to be a long night. But quite quickly it picked up and everyone seemed to enjoy it, except for one man on the front row who stared at me, incredulously and only cracking a smile once (I am reliably informed by a man sitting opposite him) when I said the word “kumquat”. There’s something for everyone in this show. But just one thing, for every individual human being. And most of them, sadly, will never see it.
It was fun to do something a bit different. I imagined I would alternate routines much more often in this tour, but have enjoyed working on the ones that I originally chose so much that I’ve not changed much of the content - beyond having to drop bits and bobs because the new additional bits have taken up more time.
I was surprised by how few of the more recent routines I couldn’t really remember for tonight’s show. I tried to do the Twix bit from Happy Now? and dried up halfway through and unbelievably I didn’t have a clue about the robot sex routine either. After a few listens I felt confident enough to close on “Give Me Head, Til I’m Dead” - which should have comfortably made it into the tour show had it not featured as a returning favourite in last year’s effort.
It was fun doing the show in a different venue and I am glad that I didn’t let the slow start dent my confidence as it might once have done. I dug in and I think everyone, apart from kumquat man, were pretty happy.
