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Wednesday 7th November 2018


My ripped up Banskyed (not by Banksy obviously, but by Bansky) copy of Emergency Questions made £103.99 on ebay. I only have too rip up 10,000 more and I will be a millionaire. Good to see there is still money in art if the comedy career dries up.
I’ve added a few special edition books and limited edition DVDs to the ebay page too - and will be putting a few extra bits and bobs from the kickstarter campaigns up there soon , if you missed out. 

Talking of my many artistic endeavours, I successfully recorded an episode for my new Stone Clearing podcast (and it’s already up! BCG and
This is just an introduction and the first few eps might be a bit basic for any seasoned stone clearers out there. But hope you will stick with it. I think it’s going to be quite a ride. And just in case the locals didn’t think I was mad enough scavenging around in the mud, now they are going to see me talking to myself too. I think this podcast will hit its peak when I have to stop and talk to other dog walkers though. I predict that this will be the first podcast to win the Turner Prize. It makes self-playing snooker look like the creation of a sane human being.
I also wrote a newsletter all about the exciting stuff that is coming up. Did I tell you guys that I am on House of Games next week? I wonder if I will win. Or lose as always.

It was a bit of a relaxing day otherwise. I only have two bits of official writing work to do now, which is my episode of the new secret project I’ve been working on and an introduction for a book. And I couldn’t do the former as I was waiting for a call from the producer to go over my ideas for the script. 
So I did some admin and tidied up the house a little bit and tried to work my new steam cleaner (which doesn’t come with very detailed instructions). I don’t think I quite understand it yet and there’s a good chance it will now sit at the back of the cupboard for the rest of all time. But it’s exciting seeing the steam coming out, so you never know.
The call with the producer was productive, but he wants me to ruminate on the episode before I do any more work, so once again I felt OFF THE HOOK. But I am hoping to use my time to come up with some new ideas of my own. I fancy having a go at writing a book about the adventures of the Thriling Three as it’s over 40 years since I last tried a new one. It will be a grittier reboot, or at least involve less of the story told in crude drawings that you have to be there at the time to understand. But I wonder if there’s a book in a group of kids getting together to solve crime, only to discover that crimes rarely happen and that when they do they are adequately covered by the police force.
You’d buy that right?
But do kids read the Famous Five and the Secret Seven any more? I was always more into the Seven than the Five, though struggle to remember anything about it now. And the Five seem to have had the greater fame. But that’s what they sought all the time, whereas the Seven made the stupid decision to be secret (like my stone-clearing work). Or maybe they were more racist or something. 
Anyway look out for the non-adventures of the Thriling Three. As long as the book is half as successful as Harry Potter then I will be satisfied.

If you want the Oh Frig I’m 50 DVD and didn’t back the kickstarter, then there are a few remaining copies up for sale at You can get either an unsigned copy with a novelly cheque for £15x2 or a signed, limited edition copy with a brilliant Bag For Life. But there are only around 100 DVDs remaining and not many limited edition ones so be quick. We won’t be printing any more. It’s 4 discs and included Oh Fuck I’m 40 and all the extras for that, plus a disc of Oh Frig I’m 50 extras, including my snooker tournament that I did at the transgressive art festival.Soon I will make a living only from art. And from getting people to sign up to Bulb.
You can, of course get the download of the show and many of the extras for a very reasonable £7.
Thanks to everyone who donated to the kickstarter and made this production possible and gave us the opportunity to make it look so good. If Ian Netflix is reading, then let's talk about getting it on your channel. But I want a million pounds or don't bother getting in touch.

And it's Wednesday so there's a new RHLSTP, this time with the multi-talented, indiscreet and delightful Jess Robinson 

Keep up everyone.

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