I had a couple of radio interviews to publicise the show. One of these was just before my first show, on PBSFM, MelbourneÂ’s second largest community radio station (though I feel that it is unlikely that there are more than two community radio stations in Melbourne).
The interviewer was a slightly eccentric and pleasantly camp fella called Hugo, who remembered interviewing me last year for my Christ show. He told a story (I think on air, but it was such a whirl that this may have been during a record and he didnÂ’t really change modes in between) about his male friend coming back from England recently having had the best sex of his life with a pommy with the biggest cock heÂ’d ever seen. He added that this was no mean feat as the friend in question was an air steward. I felt this was a shocking generalisation to make about male air stewards. To imply they are all gay and promiscuous. Ridiculous. I am sure one of you will be able to e mail me and tell me about your heterosexual and/or monogamous air steward friend. But I wonÂ’t hold my breath!
Like all the interviews in Oz (I think the radio is very good out here) we had a lot of fun. Hugo asked me if it was the kind of show that he could bring his mum too. After his air steward story I felt pretty sure that he would be fine to bring his mum!
The interview ended and I had to get back to the theatre to do my show. Pru, my publicist out here was talking to someone on the radio station phone. Someone had clearly rung in wanting to talk to me. It seemed he was a fellow Englishman who supported West Ham and wanted to know which team I barracked for (or supported) As we were in a rush she told him to ring back on her mobile, which I was a bit unsure about as he sounded a bit eccentric even from PruÂ’s side of the conversation.
Sure enough five minutes later the phone rang and it was my new English friend, who still retained a cockney accent, but with a strong Aussie twang (which was quite a weird combo as the Australian accent is similar though not quite the same as the London one).
He told me how much he liked listening to community radio (which made me more convinced that he was mental, but possibly only because I associated the concept with care in the community radio) and told me personally he supported West Ham. Although I am not all that interested in sport I made the required laddish retort of “Well someone has to!” and he made the required laddish noises of amusement and chastisement.
Then he said he had a proposal for me, which made me a bit worried about what was coming up. This after all was a stranger who had rung to talk to me after I had been talking about penises, seemingly only because, like him, I was English. But itÂ’s not like there arenÂ’t any English people in Australia.
He said that if I gave him free tickets to my show he would invite me round to his place for a slap-up roast beef dinner, which he felt would be something I was missing now I was away from home. I pointed out that it was only four days since I had been in England, so hadnÂ’t yet managed to get all that home sick. I donÂ’t know if heÂ’d noticed but the food in this town is so amazing, that eating a traditional English dinner is one of the last things I wanted to do.
Plus of course this was a man I had never met, and my mum told me never to accept sweets from strangers (though she didnÂ’t mention what I should do if a stranger offered me meat). Although I think he was clearly very sincere (possibly a bit lonely, but maybe just nostalgic for his home) and the invitation was well meant I had to turn him down. Just in case he was the Australian version of Jeffrey Dahmer. Though itÂ’s a nice idea to think that you could ring up anyone youÂ’ve heard on the radio and invite them round for dinner. Might try it myself some time.
