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When I invented Alan Partridge in 1991, I said to Steve Coogan, “I reckon there’s three or four different TV series in this, maybe a film and definitely some books”. He told me he thought I was crazy- “This will never be more than a sports reporter on a spoof radio show.” I said, “So will you sign 100% of the rights off the character over to me?”
“No,” said Steve, “How about I give you 0%. Remember 0% of nothing is still nothing, so you won’t be losing out.”
“All right,” I said, “That sounds fair. But just one more thing. Have you thought of doing a podcast with the character?”
“What’s a podcast?” he asked.
“It’s just a new idea that I have coined. Basically it’s like a radio show, but it goes out on the internet.”
“What’s the internet,” said Steve (he really knew nothing about anything).
“It’s just a communication system that I invented with a couple of other guys linking up the world’s computers.”
Steve was dismissive and said the internet sounded like it would only be of use to nerds and paedos and that it would never take off.
But thirty short years later, here we are and Alan Partridge has his own podcast. Sadly I got the same deal for creating the internet and podcasts as I did for creating Alan Partridge, so I get nothing. But I’ve been listening to and enjoying Alan Partridge, from the Oasthouse this week, even though increasingly the character I created seems to be a parody of me.
As the Pete Best of On The Hour (probably more like the Jimmie Nicol - look him up) it would be easy to become bitter about everyone else’s success, but in some ways I feel my contribution in creating the whole character of Alan Partridge was actually negligible and that the phenomenal journey he has been in has little or nothing to do with me (though the bit where someone asks him if he’s Alan Partridge and he’s all proud and excited and then they reveal he’s dropped his ID/credit card is directly taken from my life, so you can’t take that away from me) so it’s actually quite easy for me to laugh at enjoy what he’s up to. The Gibbons brothers have done phenomenal work with him, treading the line between awful monster and pathetic idiot who has your sympathy with real mastery.
So the fact I'm not bitter actually means I am not like Alan Partridge, right? Phew. And on that bombshell....
I thought about my Grandma today. If someone was going out she’d say “Be good. And if you can’t be good, be careful.” It never struck me as a kid, but obviously what that means is “Don’t have sex with anyone, but if you do, use protection.” I just thought it was general life advice, but suddenly at the age of 53 realised it was a fairly risqué joke, acknowledging the disparity between accepted behaviour and human nature. I have a feeling that my Grandma wasn’t always good herself. But she was always great.
