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The hardest thing about touring continues to be missing out on family time. I love this part of my job but I hate that it means I miss some magic moments. Like not getting to see these two idiots dress up as Lisa Simpson and Dogman for World Book Day. Phoebe justifiably proud to have made that mask herself. Ernie believing he is Dogman. Maybe he is.
On to Belfast. And like most people, as I enter that city I couldn't help but sing
Boney M's Belfast."When the country rings the leaving bell, you're lost" indeed. Wise words. Having conquered the world of history with Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Boney M moved on to contemporary politics and nailed it.
Sometimes you really need an outside eye to understand yourself.
" Great Britain, you are tremendous
And nobody knows like me
But really, what are you doin'
In the land across the sea?"
Personally I am amazed that the Troubles managed to continue after the powerful messages of these two songs. Why didn't the politicians listen. Maybe they were trying to find the leaving bell.
We took the bus to Belfast and had a funny driver. He told me that my ticket was for tomorrow when I got on, even though it was for today. That's the kind of Irish humour I'd been looking for. At the airport someone asked if we were going to Belfast and the driver said "We can go wherever we like. Let's got to Donegal!" You can't write stuff like this.
I am not really being totally sarcastic here. Good to meet people with a bit of spark.
The bus journey was two and a half hours long and surprisingly tiring. I don't know if my sense of smell is improving (seems unlikely as everything else in my body is conking out) or if people are just smellier than before (or possibly that I am smellier than before), but I am really noticing unpleasant stenches a lot more these days. Everything smells. Maybe this is why people have taken up smoking drugs in every corner of our land, just to mask the smell of dirty bottoms.
The stench of the world is the least of our problems right now. Everything seems to be slip sliding away to disaster and I worry for the future of Dogman and Lisa Simpson. What horrors await them? I am so glad that they are in this world, but I do fear for the future for them. If only I'd died of cancer I wouldn't have had to witness it. Damn you NHS.
Not that politics didn't need a major shake up. I just wish they hadn't put idiots in charge of it!
I think I will write a song to make them think again about their decisions.
"Trump, Trump, get up off your rump
You're going to kill us all you fool
And Elon Musk is a fucking tool
But maybe it's all for the best
Humanity is the Earth's greatest pest.
Wipe us out like you wipe you arse
When the country rings its leaving bell you're passed"
That should do it. I just made that up in one go too. Very much like whoever wrote all of Boney M's lyrics.
On the way to get dinner I walked through the town centre where lots of fear 12 year old kids were running around on the verge of causing mayhem and looking like they might pick a pocket or two. It's good to see these menacing gangs of urchins still exist - you only really get them in Belfast and Victorian London these days.
Return to the MAC tonight with a decent crowd so the downstairs big felt full. There's around about 200 people in every town who want to see me. I am baffled both as to why that is and why it isn't loads more. Me1 and Me2. I should be satisfied. It's enough to have fun and to (hopefully) make some money. Mostly I am satisfied. But when it goes as well as the show is going at the moment it's mildly frustrating that more people don't know about me. Or know about me and think I am shit.
I've never had a full standing ovation in my career, though an audience member tried to start one tonight. I think the audience had enjoyed it, but the rest of them didn't join in (as far as I could see). The partial standing ovation is both lovely and slightly tragic, but is a good symbol for my career. And why I want to do a show called Richard Herring is Quite Good. It was a fizzling and playful gig and I really enjoyed it too and me (and Right Bollock) ad-libbed some quite good stuff that I hope I can remember in Cardiff next Thursday.
In the dressing room I saw that Jon Richardson was doing a show called "John Richardson and Friends" and thought "Richard Herring and Friends" might be an excellent title for a completely solo tour. Has anyone done that? As a middle aged man I don't really have friends any more and the ones I do I rarely see. Is that the next aspect of masculinity to explore. Even though I hate being away I am keen to do another show. Why am I so full of contradictions?
I have the duel fear of imposing myself on others and others imposing themselves on me. It's easier just to go it alone. My best friends are Lisa Simpson and Dogman (and the woman who helped me make them). The best way to make friends is to literally make friends. Though I understand they eventually turn against you..
I was a bit tired and dizzy in spite of a good night's sleep and the performance wasn't quite as crisp as I'd like with a few fluffs and a bit of imprecise diction and some bits where I had to go back to pick up a missed line. Some nights you hit everything almost perfectly and some nights your mouth has a loose connection to your brain. It was a good show in spite of this, but it annoyed me that I wasn't hitting everything perfectly. It's probably something that goes unnoticed by an audience, unless all the others refused to stand for a brilliant show because they had felt my diction was sub par.
Less tripping over my own fucking tongue and the whole crowd would have got to their feet.
And they did, I suppose. As they got up to leave. And no one tonight (as far as I saw) got up to leave early, so that's a result.
More holy relics from the original Self-Playing Snooker board
for you to bid on on ebay. Any profits will go to making more podcasts (though it looks like we're going to lose money on this as the transport, cutting up and mounting of the board cost us quite a bit, but this is more about giving fans the chance to own a piece of sporting and art history). Imagine how much these bits will be worth in the future...
