It was my and Emma Kennedy's wedding reception today. We pretended we were having a shindig for our 40th birthdays (she is already in her 40s whilst I still bask in being in my 30s so I pity her), but really it was a celebration of the fact that noone else is ever going to marry either of us, so there's only one way we're going to get presents and that is to hook up with each other. I am pretty sure we once made a pact that if we weren't married by 40 then we'd marry each other. Forty seemed a long way away then, like an impossibly old age and I can't believe I am nearly there. But one thing is for sure, I am not marrying any woman in their forties. That's way too old!
Emma though did look pretty good, dressed up in vintage 1967 clothing and when I was walking up the stairs behind her I could see a lot of her legs and for a second my brain forgot who it was looking at and almost began to appreciate the sight in a sexual way. But I quickly snapped my brain out of that. It must have been the alcohol... oh but hang on a second, I hadn't had a drink by then. Let's just forget the whole thing.
So we had a lovely party and I got a few presents. Not as many as Emma, but I think people felt sorry for her because she was so old. My best and most appropriate present for an old man like me who is trying to pretend he is young, was a skateboard from my friend Ewan. That's right, I have a skateboard. At 39 years old I have my first skateboard. It's just perfect isn't it? I can't wait to go and hang out with the kids down the shopping arcade and..... I realise I don't know any of the correct parlance for skateboarding at all... spin some moves? Many 40 year old men go in for cock-shaped sports cars, but my four wheels are slightly cooler than a Porsche I think.
I had a little go on it and this might well have been the first time I have ever been on a skateboard (though possibly I last stepped on one when I was about 9) and I didn't really know what I was doing. I mean it looks like it should be easy, but I couldn't really make it work and I nearly fell off. I was a bit drunk by this time, which might have been part of it, but I think it's mainly that I am rubbish. So I put it away to wait for another day when I wasn't wearing a swish suit and my cool black and white shoes, but in a hoodie or something, whatever it is that the other sk8ter bois will be wearing. Wow, I most probably will get to go out with
Avril Lavigne, who as you know I respect very much. I mean I think she's married, but her latest woman-hating song did say that she would like to be my girlfriend and I imagine the skateboard should swing it.
