Another pretty full day, mainly alongside my colleague Andrew Collings, starting with our 6Music show, which we now return to on a weekly basis - but for how long?-, then a romantic lunch at Eat, then back into 6Music to record this week's podcast in the little studio (where the red light again mysteriously came on halfway through, making us fear we were broadcasting filth to the nation) and then on to a big 6Music party where we were introducing the first band.
Both of us are pretty overworked at the moment and it was entertaining and slightly scary to see Collings drop his professional veneer and seem genuinely pissed off and grouchy at the start of the podcast. It was like when your parents argue in front of you. It's something you're not meant to see. I managed to cheer him up by pulling out hairs from various parts of my body to see how painful or not that would be, but it took us a long time to get there. It is perhaps asking too much of ourselves to produce a funny and fun podcast after we've just done a 3 hour radio show, but this week, with so much going on for us both it was either that or a week off. And none of us want that do we?
And if you do want that then why not just not listen to it for a week? And if you want to do that, this week's might be the week to do that! Podcast 136 will be up
at the British Comedy Guide just as soon as Orange Mark stops having a life and doing things with his weekend. Honestly, we have given up all our spare time for you, why should he have any fun. Still that orange juice isn't going to drink itself.
I had a gig tonight in Islington and foolishly left the house without a coat or an umbrella, because the rain seemed to have stopped and I thought I only had a short walk from the tube station anyway. As it happened the Victoria line was shut down, so I had a long walk up from a different station and got soaked in a lively rain storm. Later, the same thing would happen on the way out - though I managed to get a bus this time, the rain was much harder - and then again as I walked from the tube station to home. On nights like tonight I wish I hadn't told that one lie when I was 17. I only said my girlfriend's new haircut suited her. Boy the repercussions! Totally out of keeping with the crime.
The gig went well, but was notable for the fact that I received a funny, if somewhat chilling email about 5 minutes before I went on, which I decided to read out in its entirety in the act. In fact it might well make its way into the show. The life of the comedian is not all champagne bottles up the anus. This is the message from a complete stranger, who remember has presumably not even seen the show she is complaining about (I have been nice enough to obscure her name, despite her veiled threats):
"Hi there, Richard.
I got info about your upcoming gig at the Ironworks, Inverness via the Ironworks mailing list. I think the name you have chosen for your tour is highly offensive and I cannot believe that you could not have thought of something else more suitable. I myself am a follower of the LORD Jesus Christ whom you are mocking and all I can tell you is that, for a fact, God will not sit back and be mocked. If you continue this route it will all come to no good, but that is not to say that I wish that on you. I certainly don't. I just hope and pray (for your sake) that you turn from this particular folly and I hope
and pray no harm will come to you, but beware. My God is no push-over and He knows what you are about, whether you believe or not is immaterial. It changes nothing.He knows your every thought never mind what you do and say. I would not want to be in your shoes. May God bless you and keep you safe, as you turn and
walk in His way.
All the best in Love and Sinserity from, Dxxxxx Hxxxxx (MRS)"
It is incredible to me that a Christian could send this message, ignoring most of the main tenets of her religion, but also being annoyed simply by the title. I read this on stage and said that I thought God probably had better things to do than take revenge on comedians who were doing shows that broadly speaking were quite positive about Jesus and people's right to believe in him though said she was at least following Jesus' teachings "Judge things without seeing them" and "If someone offends thee, then send them threatening emails." I was tempted to write back and tell her that from my reading of the New Testament it might be her that has to watch her back when it comes to the Final Judgement. I started writing a reply when I got home, but decided to sleep on it.
One of the horrible Daily Mail journalists had made a similar "God will not be mocked" observation when the actor who played Father Ted died. But you'd think if God was knocking off people who had joked about religion that Dermot Morgan would have been pretty low on his hitlist.
It was exiting to be including such new material in a live set - this is why stand up is such an amazing medium - and what gave it even more weight is that this gig took place in a big Church, not a deconsecrated one, a working one that just hires the venue out on Saturdays. So if God was going to take his revenge on me for my pathetic jokes, this would be a great place to do it. I directly challenged him to do so, and mocked him a bit more, but it seems that God will be mocked. Or that for him revenge is a dish best served cold and he is biding his time to really give me something to think about. Chances are he might wait ten to thirty years before he takes me. But you will know why it is when I go.
Or maybe the rain storm and my triple drenching was the start of it? Maybe that was all for me. Luckily I don't have the arrogance of the religious or indeed Travis, who might think that a deity would send a weather system to affect a whole area, just to punish one person for some perceived indiscretion. After all some righteous people must also have been soaked by the storm that was just meant for me. Just as some non-gays must get caught up in those hurricanes and earthquakes he sometimes sends. You'd think a God who created everything that is could direct his bolts of lightning a little bit more effectively.
But maybe the world does revolve around me like D***** H***** (MRS) clearly thinks it does around her. Still might take a bodyguard with me to Inverness - being a comedian is the most dangerous job in the world. We put ourselves at a lot of risk just to make a small proportion of you laugh.
I have to say that as I walked through the third rainstorm from a mildly angry God I did at least feel a little relief, because in a busy week where I have to do a lot I have a feeling that that email and the issues around it are going to provide me with a lot of material for AIOTM! If I can get through the week before God takes his revenge. Though given God can see into my mind he will know that probably the best way he can punish me is just to allow this week to progress unfettered and put me through the Hell of writing two and a half shows in nine days.
Thanks for the material D***** H***** (MRS) and I will see you in Hell anyway, when the Muslims turn out to be right. Or even just the nicer Christians.
