Many thanks to those of you who have been donating to the programme fund. Remember you need to email me your address if you want me to send you stuff. I don't get to see your details from the site, so email them to richardherring@richardherring.com if you haven't done so already. And if you are donating by post please do it quickly because the PO Box is forwarded to me very intermittently.
Having failed to get my Edinburgh show sponsored by a yoghurt company, I am currently in the process of trying to sort out a deal with vcpoker.com and pokerstars.com. All these websites are desperate for your business and would love it if I recommended them to you. And then tried to come and get you to play against me on-line to see who was best. pokerstars.com have so far given me some free credits and so I have to love them, but vcpoker.com have let me take part in a competition where I won two bottles of champagne and £50 in credits (which I lost in about five minutes).
I rather like the idea of making them bet against each other to see which will win and which site I will exclusively play on from now on. It's rather like a poker match in itself. And for once I might be the winner. Any other poker sites that want the patronage of a man who used to be on TV six years ago, and is on two episodes of the current series of "Quote Unquote", but who is very keen on poker and whose website gets over 3000 hits a day, please get in touch.
I have played a bit on vcpoker.com today (but remember I will play on the site of whichever company gives me and SCOPE the most money- this is sponsorship, which is a different thing to advertising, somehow in my strange head) and enjoyed myself because I've been playing in tournaments rather than cash games. You still have to pay, but it's a fee up front and then the last three in win a bit of money. I am quite good at tournaments and scored a first place, one second place and two thirds (and came last twice going all in on a good first hand). So I more or less broke even.
I was having fun on one of the tables being the annoying bloke that gets on everyone's nerves. This isn't a bad tactic as it can rile players and make them make rash judgement calls in the hope that they can knock you out. I actually started it because some other bloke was being the annoying bloke first and I wanted to beat him at his own game. He had typed "I just folded Ace Ace. Was that a mistake?" - a hilarious joke as of course that is the best hand and only an idiot would fold it. I pretended to believe he had really done that, which amused him greatly as he thought he'd got one over me. I was delighted when he got knocked out a few hands later.
But then I decided to take a leaf out of his book and adopt a tactic that I'd tried one of the first times I'd played poker, when I really hadn't known what I was doing. I wasn in Melbourne Casino in 2002 having a great night (it was the night I ended up playing for hours but somehow winning on everything and walking away with the equivalent of about £2500 - it's a pity that doesn't happen every time). I was a little drunk, but pretended to be more drunk than I was and I was lucky enough to get some excellent early hands. But I decided that I'd be fair and tell the others what I'd got. Of course the first time they didn't believe me when I said I had King King. But then I showed them at the end that I did. I did this truthfully for about three hands and they were all really freaked out and slightly annoyed that I should break the rules, even though I was helping them. But it meant that for the next hour or so I could tell them what I had and they would never be sure if I was telling the truth or not. I got them to fold quite a few times when I had rubbish. It's not an infallible technique, but it certainly made the game a lot of fun and unsettled the other players.
So I tried this again on-line today. "I thought you should know, I've got Q 8" I told them before the flop. It's not that great a hand. I played it anyway and won. So they saw that I indeed did have that hand.
"ty" said one bloke, meaning thanks for the information.
I did it again on the next hand. Again truthfully and lost this time, but showed them I'd told them right. Sometimes I would do it before the flop, sometimes I'd do it after. An Italian guy started getting annoyed with me. "Play the game properly you ****" he wrote. I replied that there was nothing in the rules that forbade me telling them what I had, especially if I was already in. "I am sorry for trying to help you," I replied.
Now they were justified in their anger - I was being a pain in the arse - and they knew as well as I did that I might be lying about what I had. But I decided not to lie for the longest time to see what effect it had.
It had the effect of making them treat me like the child I was being, "That's very clever" and "You showed him" were typical comments. I had had 10 10 - a great hand, told them and lost on it, but shown it to them. Then I got 10 10 the next hand again. "Who'd have thought it? 10 10 twice in a row" I told them pre-flop. "Liar" said the Italian man and went in against me. It was risky to stay in as there were higher cards on the flop, but I chanced it and won. "I don't lie," I told him. "Why won't you believe me?"
I then apologised for my behaviour, saying it was childish and annoying and I could understand why they would be angry with someone who told them what his own cards were, thus ruining the fun and the suspense. I was satirising them, very cleverly and I wasn't really sorry. I was enjoying their flustered and annoyed responses. I did tell them that it would be particularly sweet for whichever of them knocked me out.
And I was doing well. I suppose I looked more stupid than I was - which is hard, but given the way I was behaving I had achieved it. Then in two hands two of them went all in against me and I knocked them both out. They were the ones who had complained about me most vociferously. I had heeded their comments and not told them my cards, which was a shame as they might have folded if they had known.
I was left heads up with a bloke called Mike who hadn't passed comment thus far on my cheeky antics. "You're going to win," I told him.
"I doubt it," he replied (he was down at the time), "But thanks for the laughs. I've been pissing myself here."
I was quite glad when he did win. Most poker players take themselves a bit seriously. Maybe I can work on that.
I had a lot of fun, having decided to make this a rare day off from work and probably onmly lost about ten dollars (five pounds) overall.
That was vcpoker.com. I play under Herring1967, but for the moment other poker sites are available. I will probably be playing under the same name on pokerstars.com tomorrow.
The day had to come when I would sell out to the highest bidder.
