Warming Up

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Tuesday 22nd April 2003

I am writing my chapter on masturbation at the moment. This is my job.
I asked on the website whether men were ever discouraged from masturbating and if so how. One man said his mother told him that every time he had one off the wrist it made Jesus cry.
Poor old Jesus. If that's true, he must be constantly in floods of tears. He's got to be the most miserable bugger in the Universe. At any one moment there has got to be several million men shaking hands with the unemployed. It must be unrelenting.
You'd think Jesus would become immune to it. Surely he would reach a point where he thought, "well all this crying isn't doing anyone any good and it doesn't seem to making any difference. Maybe I should just accept that all this wanking is going on and isn't doing any real harm to anyone. Then I could choose something important to get upset about. Like the starving babies in Africa."
Turn the other cheek, Jesus. Let he is without sin and all that.