Comedian Vows To Kill Loch Ness Monster - Press Release

Comedian Richard Herring, star of BBC2’s Fist of Fun and This Morning With Richard Not Judy and creator of the internationally successful one-man show Talking Cock, has controversially claimed that he will slaughter the Loch Ness Monster by the end of April 2004.
The murder of the reclusive and harmless creature is the first part of Herring’s undertaking to rival the endeavours of Hercules for his new stage-show The Twelve Tasks of Hercules Terrace which will be previewing at the Edinburgh Fringe this August.
Herring says, “Most of the things Hercules achieved involved the slaying of various amazing and endangered mythical species. He was so successful that there are very few fantastical beasts left to slay for the modern day hero. Thankfully the Loch Ness monster was not known of in ancient times, so she survived his relentless purge. Nessie has terrorised the poor loch-side inhabitants for too long. If I can free them from its tyranny then I will be seen as a local hero. With the fearsome monster gone, the beautiful area will become a draw for tourists, who are too frightened to visit the beautiful loch at the moment. .”
Herring intends to lure the monster to the shore with a large fish, or failing that a virgin tied to a tree, and then kill it with a sword. He would be grateful for any assistance in finding a virgin in the locality, as his enquiries so far have proved fruitless. Herring can not guarantee that the virgin won’t get eaten:
“Obviously I’m pretty sure that I will kill the monster before any harm can come to her, but there is always a one per cent danger that I may fail.”
Herring is also on the look out for other tasks worthy of Hercules and welcomes suggestions via his website