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Monday 1st May 2006

Here's a few things I have been thinking about recently. Maybe they'll be good enough to try as material - maybe not. You are nothing if not a sounding board to me you warming up idiots.

Heaven - What human beings would view Heaven as being must have changed throughout time. Our modern expectations of it must be greater than our ancestors. What would equal Heaven to a caveman or even someone who lived in harsh Biblical times would not be much of a Heaven to us, with our high standard of living. The world we have would be better than many perceived paradises of people of even 300 years ago.
Yet conversely, what we would see as a paradise (even a spiritual one) would be confusing and upsetting to someone who had lived in a mud hut in Essex in 100BC. Is Heaven constantly adapting to live up to the expectations of the most recent arrivals or are there separate Heavens for people from different eras? Or is Heaven just good in a different way than we could ever know? Surely John Lennon can't have been right that there's just sky up there.

Spartacus - all those people shouting out to the Romans that they are Spartacus is traditionally seen as a great story of bravery and solidarity, but surely only the first couple of people who incorrectly said they were Spartacus are the brave ones. They were in genuine peril of being mistaken for Spartacus, especially the first one. But once ten or so people had said it the others were on pretty safe ground. "I can shout out that I am Spartacus now, cos everyone is doing it, there's no way anyone will take me seriously." If the Romans had had any sense they would just have opted to pick out the 40th person who had claimed to be Spartacus and chosen to believe him. Just to punish him for coming so late to the party.

Orson Welles said “We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” Who amongst us is born alone? Only those of us unfortunate to have been hatched in a pod by some evil scientist or alien race. Being born is one of the least lonely experiences of our lives. We are more intimate with another human being that we ever will be again (hopefully than we ever will be with out mothers again anyway). We are entirely wrapped in her sexual organs, pushing our way out of her, ripping her apart. It's incredible that we are ever able to look our mothers in the face again after such a shameful beginning. It's no wonder that we entirely forget the experience. Imagine if we remembered it, every single day would be excruciatingly embarrassing.

John Reid - John Reid is the defence secretary or something. Even he isn't sure. This week he tried to get himself in the papers, hoping for a bit more notoriety, so people would think he was a bit dangerous and exciting. He really chose the wrong week to try and break through into the public consciousness as there was loads of bigger stuff going on, but he wasn't to know. A tiny piece of cannabis resin was discovered in his guest room at his house. I am pretty sure he planted this there himself, to give himself a more racey image. But he didn't want to go to far and look like a drug addict, so he wimped out a bit and went for a tiny amount of the softest drug available. The papers said that the cannabis had a street value of 85 pence. That's really weak. It's like he sent someone out to get it for him and said "I'll get 85 pence worth please. That should be enough to show the world how crazy I am." Or he went up to a drug dealer and said "85 pence of your finest cannabises please. I am very in touch". If John Reid was involved in a sex scandal he would probably just put the tip in.

Well none of that's great, but it's a start.
I played tennis on the same courts as the other week and the coach was there, this time teaching sweet little children. Even though it was hot he did keep his top on all the time I saw him, which is right and proper, but makes his previous shirtlessness all the more suspect. But I guess that's some comfort to any parent entrusting their child to another adult. I'd want him to be topless with pneumatic ladies (or beey fellas - I am not prejudiced or flat-chested women and scrawy men, it's what someone's personality is like that counts) and covered from head to foot with thick clothing if he is with children.
He seems like a very nice fella and all the locals clearly love him ( a few of you have emailed to say what a lovely man he is), and I having seen him having to deal with loads of tiny kids today in a patient and professional manner I can not fault him for getting a little bit of a kick back on the rare occasions that a full grown beautiful woman (or beautiful man or ugly man or woman) is across the net from him.

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