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Trying to get my mildly jet-lagged bearings in Warsaw Indiana, where I have accidentally come on holiday. Not really accidentally, but the world centre for Orthopaedic implants probably wouldn't be many people's first choice for a vacation destination. We're here to visit Catie's family, but it seems we're also going to get a fascinating insight into the world of middle America. And day one has thrown some amazing curve balls which make me think that this might be the most amazing holiday ever.
We decided to go on a walk and find out what was around us, which was difficult as apparently everyone in America drives everywhere and we had to walk along a busy road with no pavement (they call them sidewalks here - what's that all about?), but we managed to stay alive this time and got to a little collection of shops, the first of which was called “Bibles and Booksâ€, an unwelcoming little building with no windows and no books on display, which seemed to have either reluctantly accepted there was more than one book in the world, or that the Bible was not a book. We didn't venture in.
Later we drove across town, where we got more of a taste of the conservative state we find ourselves in. A school playground was covered in tiny white crosses, half covering the football field (they say soccer - what?) . It was hard to fathom what this was about. It didn't seem an appropriate place for a c=]metery. But the signs made it clear that each cross represented four abortions that had been carried out in the county since 1982. Whichever side of the argument you stand on that is quite a strong artistic statement. I think the crosses are removed when the kids come back to school. But even so. I started to understand why Donald Trump is doing as well as he is.
And why does each cross represent four aborted children? Give them a cross each, Warsaw. There's plenty more room on the playground. Smacks of laziness. I mean we're all against abortion, right, but not to the extent that we want to put out 400 crosses when we can make do with 100. But to the casual observer it just looks like not that many abortions have taken place in the last 35 years. Put up all the crosses or none at all if you're putting up crosses in a children's playground.
And each cross should give the reason for the abortion too. Because we don't get any idea of how many of those abortions are down to crime or medical necessity. Not that that matters really anyway, but if you're going to do something, do it properly and we can make up our own minds about whether this is appropriate or clearly fantastically inappropriate.
In town there was more, seemingly less controversial art, with colourful statues of people,
seemingly engaged in every day activities of local citizens: a young girl swings a hoop around her waist, a man giving out leaflets, some golfers. But then in the town square was a slightly more surreal one where a man in modern clothes (a comfy looking jumper and some plimsolls - they call them sneakers, what's going on?) is chatting to Abraham Lincoln. He's holding out a piece of paper which makes it look like he's asking for directions and Abe has his hat off and is pointing off into the distance and the man seems fixated on that. As if the hat is the remarkable part of this scenario. I would argue that if a modern day man came across Abraham Lincoln in Warsaw town centre he would look a lot more confused and terrified. He just gazes at the hat as if thinking “Wow, what a strange hatâ€. It turns out it isn't a map but a copy of the Gettysburg Address. But the white jumpered man just stares at the hat, as if he's thinking, “What's with that crazy hat?†I don't think he's even spotted that Abraham Lincoln has risen from the grave to talk him through the Gettysburg Address. Yeah, mate. It's a weird hat. But to him your jumper looks crazy too. Get over it. We don't know how long this spectral visit will last. You might not even have time to take the assassinated President to your lazy field of abortion memorial.
I don't know why just one statue enters the realm of the supernatural or what it even means, but as art it did its job because it completely blew my fucking mind.
The local people we have met have been super friendly and welcoming (though I don't know how they would feel about us if we had been aborted or were resurrected historical figures with unusual hats). It's been a spectacular holiday so far and I can't even tell you about today's main event, but it's all been so disorientating and alien that I wonder if I am in some kind of Total Recall implanted vacation as a straight-laced Englishman thrust into the heart of middle America or if this is a David Mamet play. It's been way more interesting than sitting on a beach or looking at a famous painting. It's an alternate reality that has been playing out in the reality I live in. And it's made me realise how artificial and subjective my own reality is already. Come to Warsaw Indiana for your next holiday. You won't regret it. Especially if you also need an orthopaedic implant.
I think this might be the perfect Richard Herring holiday.
Tomorrow is the 5000th consecutive Warming Up. I suspect there will be no fanfare. But I will keep pushing onwards regardless.
Here's my latest Metro column.
RHLSTP with Nish Kumar is up in the usual places.
