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Tuesday 6th June 2023

7489/20418

Stop the boats. We have planes now. No one needs them.
I know what you’re thinking. But we can fish out of helicopters. We don’t need boats. And I’ll be voting for the Tories at the next election to stop them. Honestly once we have that lot in we are going to be able to do so much. The current government could stop the boats if they wanted. But there are boats everywhere. 

Though in all seriousness I am very confused that stopping the boats - the ones with refugees in- is one of the top five policies of the Tories and thus presumably one of the top five concerns of the electorate. With all that’s going on and all the problems we’re having, the minor issue of stopping desperate people trying to get to our island shouldn’t be anywhere near the top. What does it say about us as a nation that that’s top 5, but trying to do something to help the refugees isn’t? Stop the boats sinking. It’s just one more word. Help refugees - that’s one less. Make the system fairer and more fit for purpose. That won’t fit on a podium, but surely getting things into three words is not the ultimate aim.
The answer to my earlier question is, it says a lot about us. And everything it says about us is probably accurate. We’re a nation of fucking cunts. The rest of the world knows it and they’re probably all delighted that we’re cutting ourselves off from trade, business and basic humanity.
Imagine being an intelligent person standing behind a podium saying just “Stop the boats” and not feeling shame and embarrassment. We’re all the descendants of immigrants because human life did not emerge in Britain, but most of us will have an ancestor in the last three generations who came from somewhere else. Not me. I am pure British for three or four generations and then there’s just a bit of Irish chucked in, which is the same thing. I can stand behind a podium saying Keep Britain British. And I do. I’m behind one right now.
When did being British become about being unwelcoming and refusing to help those in need? I mean there’s always a bit of that in us, I guess, but we’ve stood up for some noble causes (as well as fucking things up).

Whatever. You’d think “stop the boats” might be something that got said privately by the worst elements of a political party, not on a podium that the leader is standing behind or coming out of his mouth as he tries to deflect the conversation away from subjects that really matter.

Not sure if I’ve said here but joining Jazz Emu next week on RHLSTP is the fabulous Jenny Eclair. Come and see my funny show.


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