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Monday 1st April 2024

It is a cruel trick indeed to have Easter Monday and April Fool's Day coincide. No one was ready for it in my house. I only found out when it was mentioned on the radio. Though the kitchen clocks were all playing a trick on me as they were still an hour out. The kids were too full of chocolate to be arsed to do any tricks, but when Catie came down after a well deserved lie-in I told her that the cats had killed two birds and they were in the kitchen. Due to my phobia of living and dead birds (I managed to get a dead crow out of the attic when we first moved here, but it was harrowing) Catie is the one in this marriage who deals with the gifts from the cats and had to deal with a half-dead bird this week already. So this was a brilliant trick. And she fell for it completely. Ha ha ha. I am brilliant.
Another pretty relaxed family day, though the kids are keen to play football so I took them to the rec this morning and played in the medium to large goals, which dwarfed all of us when it was our turn between the sticks. We then went to the village shop where Ernie was keen to use the debit card that he's had for a good six months. He got a fruit shoot for himself and insisted on getting one for his sister too - he is a very kind boy. Sadly for me contactless wasn't working and as I'd pretty much expected he'd need his PIN to pay and I had no idea what that was, so I paid anyway. But the £10 on his card was mine too. These little pricks haven't earned a penny in their lives and yet dine on £7 candy floss like they're Russian aristocrats pre-revolution. 
In the afternoon I tried to make the jet washer work and clean up my mossy patio, but I am not sure I've got it set up right as it fairly weakly just moved the dirt around the area. The hose kept coming off the tap due to a broken connector and could only be turned on slightly which didn't help. I ended up using my hands to scoop up dirt and a trowel to try and remove the moss. In the end the whole area looked dirtier than before and though I'd been doing this for at least an hour there was still loads of fucking moss. But tomorrow I will buy a connector that works (hopefully) and work out how to switch the little LCD panel on so that I can alter the ferocity of the jet and I will fucking master this thing if it kills me. My take home though is that a jet washer is not that good if an area is very dirty. You'll get the dirt off the bricks but then need a way to scoop up the dirt. At least I am trying to be a competent human. It's only taken 56 and a half years. 

Back to the last live RHLSTP before lock-down for retro RHLSTP with the delightful Aisling Bea. Listen here.

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