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I was putting on my gym kit this morning and realised I had put my running socks on the wrong feet. I am not sure at my level there's a huge advantage to having right and left socks. I presume they cushion each foot at certain points and if you have them the wrong way round they will cushion the wrong bit. I could live with that.
At my age putting on socks is very similar to taking part in an Olympic Weight Lifting event, at least in the amount of noise I am making as I do it. So if socks have got on to my feet then something would have to be seriously wrong for me to take them off again unnecessarily.
Of course my Jimmy Cricket style right and left foot error would be hidden away in my shoes so no one would know and I certainly wasn't going to humiliate myself by ever telling anyone. I wouldn't want people thinking that I don't know left from right.
It struck me that if I was in an accident or medical emergency then the doctors or morticians might see my socks. My mum told me always to put on a clean pair of pants in case I was run over by a bus (though I don't think she considered the likelihood that I would soil and wet myself in such a scenario - I sometimes think she didn't want me to be hit by a bus at all and was just making something up to encourage me to wear clean underwear), but she never told me to make sure my running socks were on the correct feet.
I thought of the workers in the morgue looking at my feet (after they had bummed me obviously - perk of the job) and laughing at this stupid corpse who even at a clearly advanced age didn't know the difference between right and left. It's a tough job (when you're not sexually assaulting the corpses) and it comforted me to think I could give those people that I would never properly meet (or consent to relations with) a good laugh.
So even though I do know left from right and hardly ever have to look at which wrist my watch is on to make the call, I left the socks where they were. It would be nice to get a laugh even in death and brighten those perverts lives a little. Maybe as they laughed at my presumed (but not actual) foolishness they would have a serious think about whether necrophilia is a good thing and change their ways.
I could raise a laugh and make people think about their life choices at the same time. This might be my greatest work of comedy, right at the end.
Sadly I got through the day without being run over or having a heart attack. Hopefully next time.
Ally and me managed to synchronise our diaries and did another Craven Newsround this afternoon (Ally had no idea that my socks were on the wrong feet, so the joke was on him).
You can watch it here. 
