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Wednesday 16th June 2004

CNPS numbers spotted 0 (816). Saw 818 through to 820, so may live to regret missing that 817.

The lottery results are in. Come forward to collect your prizes. I am to marry (in this order) 35, 42, 31, 26, 22 and 29 and number 6 will be my mistress throughout my six marriages. I am sure all the winners are delighted about this (I am, because my main fear was that I would have to marry Emma Kennedy, or worse have her as my mistress)and though I suspect there will be a few broken hearts out there today and most probably a couple of suicides (from the losers, I mean. By which I mean the people whose numbers did not come up), I do want to assure everyone that I loved you all equally and it hurts me as much as any of you to pick out just 7.
Though, I have to admit that I did buy a lottery ticket using the numbers of the six people that I most wanted to see again, hoping that the gods would see fit to reward me for my hard work and that's exactly what they did. I am 3.2 million pounds better off this morning and let's face it I'm going to need that money what with my six wives, one mistress and five divorces.
It seems churlish of the gods to chose the woman who was possibly the most uncomfortable with me seeing 49 other women to be my bonus ball, but perhaps they are trying to teach her a lesson about sharing or something. It's not my place to question their decision.
I am sure there will be people who think that there is something unromantic and maybe even offensive about choosing my wives in this manner. Yet these same people will no doubt talk of fate bringing them together with their loved ones and enjoy rubbish films like Serendipity which trade upon the notion that there is one special person for us all.
But surely the same fate works for me as for them and has not fate decided that I should marry number 35 (who ironically I referred to as 34 all that day) and then the other women in turn, whilst seeing an unhappy number 6 behind their backs? This is what fate has decreed. Is my fate not as good as yours? Of course it is, it is the same. So if my experiment with fate is disgusting then so are all love matches where one or both participants felt that the Heavens conspired to bring them together.
It's not mine to question the fact that the Gods may (or may not) have chosen slightly different people than my heart and brain would have plumped for. The Gods and Fate and all the elves and stuff that get all these things working know what they are doing. And I shall be popping over to 35's house this evening to propose. And then making my way to 6's place to complain that my fiancee doesn't understand me, before indulging in some unnatural sex acts that my future wife refuses to participate in.
That is what romance is all about. And I think the world would be a better place if everyone used my lottery system to find a partner.
And when I am king that is what will happen.

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