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The Strictly celebrities have been announced and I just feel sorry that for the first time they won't all be able to spend the whole time gacked off their tits. I suspect the dances will be a bit less lively, but maybe there's some kind of Bolivian Dancing Powder that they can use instead. I understand Bolivia has a powder for everything. Though it might be the same powder repackaged. They don't have a Bolivian Don't Be A Self-Obsessed Arsehole Powder.
My favourite self-own for any announcement of participants on a celebrity TV show is "Celebrities? I've never heard of most of these." The people who say this never consider that not knowing something shows up their ignorance and the fact that their finger is not on the pulse. Have you never heard of this Tik-Tok star or singer or athlete? Is that cos you're 58 and so know fuck all about anything? Why isn't Adam Ant still in the charts?
Having said that, I've never heard of most of the so-called "celebrities" on Strictly and I am very cool. So this time it is down to the bookers, not me.
Though I think most of the proper celebs are thinking, if they're going to stop us taking cocaines and making inappropriate comments or taking our trousers off in front of runners, then what's the point of doing it?
I have not been asked to do Strictly - so they clearly can't spot big celebrities and for some reason have had to go to these lesser known people who are only familiar to tens of millions of people on Instagram - but I wouldn't do it if they paid me.
No hold on, it depends how much they paid me.
I wouldn't do it unless they paid me.
I don't think the world is ready for my dancing, though I have sung and danced live on TV in TMWRNJ. though not necessarily very well.
I mainly wouldn't do it because I don't want to embarrass loads of out of touch people on social media who would have to say "Never heard of him" and thus look stupid in front of cool young family members who love my blog. Blogging is cool right? Especially blogging every single day for 8298 days. The kids love that.
