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I propose we use eugenics to get rid of people who believe in eugenics - who’s with me? .. oh.
I am feeling pretty good about 2020 - it seems to have got off to a very good start at least. Relativity series 3 went well, I am getting to do RHLSTP at the O2, I’ve been working on a secret TV project and am also getting to appear on some quiz shows, there might be a book deal or two in the works, I’ve hopefully got time and funding to make my own podcast sitcom and Michael Palin is guesting on my next podcast recording…. I’ve had a few points over the 17 years of Warming Up where it’s felt like things are moving up a gear, usually they haven’t really but I guess things have always been on a slow upward trajectory. Even so with typical hubris I am thinking this might be my year. Which definitely means I will close 2020 in prison and/or dead.
But given we’re only seven weeks in, it seems to being uncharacteristically well. It’s the Boris Bounce.
If I am able to make my own sitcom, then regardless of how it is received or if it is received at all (my other attempts to do more ambitious internet shows have been largely ignored in any media) this will be a win for me. The problem before is that I didn’t have the time or money to do a thorough job on my previous stuff - it was sort of the selling point of AIOTM, but that didn’t translate as well when we were filming the thing. But I want to do the sitcom more professionally and get it right. I like the fact that we will hopefully be able to pay for this via the adverts on RHLSTP. That seems the right way to spend the money that your listens have generated.
I read through the sample chapter I wrote for the book version of the sitcom this afternoon and was pleasantly surprised by most of it. So it’d be a fun year if all that happens is I get the book and sitcom written.
But best of all is that I’ve had a good month of mainly hanging out at home. This afternoon we attempted to take the whole family to the dentist, the hairdressers, the shoe shop, a restaurant and the supermarket in just over three hours. It was, as you might imagine, a bit of a tornado of fun, tears and regret… and that was just the teachers… sorry doesn’t make sense…, but I still loved the challenge. We didn’t manage haircuts because the guy who does them wasn’t in the shop, but we managed everything else. Ernie had a partial meltdown in the supermarket and then rallied and then decided it would be fun to knock things off the shelves, but I thrive on this kind of nightmare and nothing got broken and no one got smacked.
It’s hard to believe that smacking was once an option. And I seem to remember messing around in supermarkets a lot in spite of the possible threat of violence (I can’t really remember if my parents exercised the right to hit us, which either means they didn’t really, or all the beatings have damaged my long-term memory). I find a bit of reasoning and bribery usually does 75% of the trick.
A supermarket must be a confusing and bedazzling place to a 2 year old who doesn’t understand about possessions or money. Once I had worked out that he didn’t want to walk or be in the trolley but to be walking along holding on to the trolley, everything was a bit better. Imagine crying because that’s what you wanted. It’s easily the worst option of the three.
But he’s like his dad - and I’ve been looking back to some photos of me at the same age and when he’s smiling he’s the absolute spit of me, which is reassuring as I wasn’t 100% convinced he was mine. Does me realising he looks like me make me more likely to forgive him his trespasses. Absolutely. Neat trick Ernie. I think you're me and now obviously you can do no wrong.
The kids are great though. Especially when they’re quiet though. I'm guessing.
Stone Clearing Chapter 56 is now up here.
