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Monday 18th June 2007

I have become addicted to Flumps. Not the 1970s children's television show, but the 10 pence marshmallow snack made by Barratt, consisiting of a 5 inch twist of yellow and pink fluffy mallow. It is an embarrassing admission for a 39 year old man (still very much in his thirties). But I have once again managed to kick chocolate which is a good thing, but my sweet tooth still needs satiating and I came across a Flumps (that is the name of a single twist, not Flump like you thought) in my Sainsbury's local and thought I'd give them a go, but now I can't resist. I bought six of them today thinking I'd keep them in my cupboard for future use, but had eaten four of them by the end of the day. If there was an opportunity for the check out person to say "Someone Likes Flumps" (or possible Flumpses - not sure how you pluralise it) and given that I would eat so many so quickly I would be unable to deny the accusation.
I think a Flumps might be the most embarrassing food for a 39 year old man to be discovered eating in the street and yet I am so addicted to them that I can't wait til I am home until I tuck into one. I eat them in the street. What if someone I knew saw me? Or worse, what if someone who was only a vague acquaintaince walked the other way, stopped to say hello and then noticed that I was half-way through a pink and yellow Flumps. They probably wouldn't say anything, but they wouldn't need to. I would be a middle-aged man eating a candy treat designed for small girls - even an eight year old boy would be ashamed to be seen eating such a confection.
The acquaintance might not keep quiet though. He might say "What are you eating?"
And I'd have to say, "It's a Flumps".
And he might say, "Don't you mean a Flump."
And I would say, "No look at the packet. It's a Flumps. I don't think it was invented by a Mr Flump though, as there is no possessive apostrophe."
And he might say, "Why are you eating that? You are a grown man."
And I would have no answer. It's embarrassing. And yet still I can't keep my Flumps addiction to myself. I can't think of a more embarrassing thing to be caught eating. Can you?

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