Warming Up

I’ve spent the last 10 days in pyjamas (though I did put on other clothes for last night’s snooker) so it was quite something to put on a pair of jeans and then also go on a one hour dog walk. My legs actually felt a bit stiff from this exercise later on, which shows how much my enforced incarceration has impacted on my fitness regime. I listened to Mark Watson’s audio book as I squelched through the muddy path in the woods and tried to keep Wolfie from eating all the other dogs in Hertfordshire. 

And the kids were both back at school too (although Phoebe didn’t catch Covid, enough kids in her class did to mean it had to close for a week) so Catie and I could both get back to work.

I did a bit of work on the book, but also had to prep for my third RHLSTP of the week, with a surprise American guest, which will go out on the 9th February.

It continues to be a weird experience, reliving the emotions of a year ago. I found myself getting a bit paranoid about my remaining testicle. Obviously with cancer there is always the chance of a return and though I have heard many stories from people who have kicked it and lived for many more decades, I am also aware of many examples where there’s positive news and things look bright, followed by a return and worse. I try to remain positive, but then so did my friends who are no longer here. I know I am being well looked after and still get checked up on every six months. But whilst losing one ball allowed me to remain light-hearted about the situation (the “reason” we have two is so we can afford to lose one on the brambles), losing both would be somewhat more challenging. As would losing my life.

Having to relive the moment where I suddenly had to process that fact that far from almost certainly not having cancer (the original and understandable diagnosis), I very likely had cancer, is a bit of a shock to the system. I am glad to be doing it and to be reminded of the lessons I learned from that and of not taking continued existence for granted. I guess listening to Mark Watson discussing his own reluctance to cease to exist  added to the mild panic. It’s a freaky thing to have to imagine the world without you in it, but I am at least relieved that all my thoughts (well most of them) are about how it would affect my family. I did also more selfishly think of what life would be like with no bollocks at all. It wouldn’t be my first choice. But what I realised last year is that being alive is more important to me than the state of my genitals. 

I’d miss my cock if they had to take that off. But equally I would absolutely insist on keeping it, probably in a glass case on the coffee table. And I’d make sure it was pumped up to its full extent (and maybe a bit further).

If anything properly bad happened to me (and it’s really all imaginary at this point) I would hopefully have a few months to plan things out. And the ease of doing three podcasts in two days made me think that a way to ensure income for my family if I wasn’t here would be to record a podcast a day and release them one a week. Though maybe a beyond the grave podcast would be too creepy.

Alternatively I’ve probably done enough of these to programme some kind of computer version of me to just carry them on - and the computer me could even do the sponsored reads. In fact, maybe I could just do that whilst I’m still alive.

My guest today discussed how terrible it was for them to not be able to do stand up for 18 months during lockdown and how it was so much a part of them that they needed that outlet. I haven’t really done anything you’d classify as real stand up since lockdown ended and whilst I do prefer the live RHLSTPs and the way the audience changes the mood, I also do quite like the idea of writing books and scripts by day and recording stupid stuff online by night and never leaving home. The impulse to be with my kids is stronger than my impulse to travel round the country every day or even to go out and do stuff at night. I am sure that will shift a little as they get older. But this is a sweet little set up and I enjoyed my day, in spite of the existential wobble it created.

 

RHLSTP with Laura Lexx, recorded two days into my Covid isolation, is now up on audio  and video