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My predictions for World War 3 in 2026 (and with it the end of human civilisation) seem to be shaping up nicely and even quicker than I could have imagined.
No one could have foreseen that letting someone who had led a failed coup, had ambitions to militarily expand and using a squad of masked men to violently impose his xenophobic will would lead to problems. There is literally no historical precedent to any of this.
And let's say it had all happened once before, it's nice to see the new lot following the play book exactly. It's almost like they only read the first part of the story and didn't find out what happened in the end. I admit they've added an extra flourish by having the bloke in charge being openly (rather than secretly) ill and deranged.
And thank you for at least ensuring that this time he has two testicles, so it doesn't look like all one-ballers are bad. Though this guy has tiny hands and a tiny mushroom penis, so the heat is still falling on me for at least one of those things.
Where are the checks and balances, America? Why can no one stop this? Your country is a dustcart slowly sliding on ice and everyone can see that it's going to smash into that primary school, but there's nothing anyone can do? Oh look whilst the lorry is slowly sliding towards its inevitable target someone is filling the classrooms with explosives. We could surely stop that part. No, apparently not. Oh the dustcart is being driven by someone who has lost their mind and they've decided to accelerate and fire nuclear missiles at the rest of the world while they're waiting for the collision.
As always, well played Vladimir Putin. I think you're great and if you'd like to give me a prime time comedy show in RBC1 when you're in charge then I wouldn't say no. Radioactive people still need comedy.
We've let Phoebe watch the new BBC sitcom
"Can You Keep a Secret?" which she is massively enjoying and recommending to everyone she sees. She has never seen Dawn French or Mark Heap in anything and (correctly) thinks that they are both brilliant. Imagine coming to something like this and having no notion of the history of the performers. It's terrific to see her so bowled over by it. If she meets anyone her first question is basically "Have you see, Can You Keep a Secret?" The second thing she says to them is a warning that there's a little bit of swearing in it, but it's not that bad. Plus it has taught her what the word chode means. Which will come in useful for writing a war song when we're fighting America.
Trumpy has got a mushroom chode,
VD Pants Vance has just a tiny node ,
Kennedy is huge but bendy
And poor old Rubio, never grew pubios, I’m told.
One of my favourite RHLSTP guests on today's retro RHLSTP, the man who inspired Mo in the Simpsons (and so much more) Rich Hall.
Listen here.
Badgers and paid Substackers - more RHLSTP guests announced in your secret/paywalled areas.
