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Up at 5.30 to feed my ungrateful daughter, who thirstily gulped down the whole bottle, before regurgitating it even more quickly over herself, me and the floor. I had just been heading to get a cloth but was caught in no man’s land without anything to soak up the projectile vomiting. I wasn’t even wearing any clothes apart from underwear. I thought of putting her head back so the flow would stop, but decided that that might drown her, so let her knock herself out (or not). Alone in the early morning, slightly terrified that I would be called on to administer the first aid that I’d learned to do, but now forgotten. She went a bit limp when she was finished hurling, but bounced back and was smiling away again within seconds. She should be pleased with herself. It was quite a trick. We could turn this into an act. Especially as it looked like more milk came out than went in.
These early starts make for a long day when I have a gig in the evening, but even though I felt pretty much wiped out by 8pm, once I went on stage at the Udderbelly all was fine again and typically I wasn’t tired by the time I was home. Another hour of best of done and I’d managed to relearn three or four more routines. Only one man had come to both best of shows so I might have got away with some repeats, but I think I managed almost an entirely different hour.
I’ve started the long process of drawing round my hand 600 times to send out as rewards to Kickstarter donators. If you missed the boat you still have a chance to own a hand, either the first one I did (signed and numbered limited edition) or a rare “wrong hand†(in fact the right hand, but as I am right-handed this is much harder to draw round). Or you can bid on the (so far) only signed limited edition RHLSTP mug (only 99 are in existence and most of them are going to kickstarter people). Just head to my eBay page.
I had pink sharpie all round my fingers by the end of the day and I’ve only managed to do 100 of the 600 hands so far. I did a couple more T shirts, but I think there’s around 20 of those to go too.
There’s a point when you’re drawing round your own hand with a felt tip for the 100th time when you’re nearly 48 years old that you begin to wonder if your life hasn’t turned out quite how you hoped. But I am spurred on by the erroneous belief that the 590+ fools who paid for me to do this will be happy to receive this odd memento.
Also a Bristol date has been added to the tour. I will be at the Old Vic on 17th April 2016. I don’t think tickets will be on sale quite yet, but don’t leave it too late Bristolians, these gigs always sell out fast. Check out all the tour dates in so far (I am not adding too many more and mainly playing the places where I do well, but contact your local theatre if you want them to book me - you never know). I am also looking for more previews for the show in July and August, but ideally within easy reach of London, so that’s another option. Get in touch if you have a gig!
