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I did a wee this morning that split into two streams, but even though they diverged at quite an angle I managed to get all the wee into the toilet. As confused as I am as to why this sometimes happens (please don’t tell me, science will unweave the rainbow with its facts) I was impressed for myself for coping so well (believe me, at my age, I often miss the bowl with a single stream) and wondered why this human skill is not celebrated at the Olympics. With training surely a person with a penis could develop all kinds of skills and choose how many streams they wanted and where they landed, maybe even synchronised with someone else. People without penises could also take part but it would be a different discipline and I for one can’t see a time when men and women can compete together on this one.
When you look at some of the ridiculous shit that is on at the Olympics it seems insane to me that there isn’t a single medal yet for people urinating in impressive ways. You could have contests for most volume, filling a bucket in the quickest time, pushing the heaviest object with the force of your wee and a wee high jump where competitors see who can wee over the tallest wall (or bar without knocking it off). This latter one would be a great opportunity for four year olds to come home with a medal.
Why should two men diving the same or someone being able to ride a BMX up a wall or people playing baseball be able to get a medal, but people weeing in impressive ways get nothing.
You might say, where would it end? Would people get medals for shitting or spunking or squirting? No, of course not. Those things are much too rude and there has to be a line of decency in something as important to humanity as the Olympics. Also getting a bronze medal for shitting would sound like the best one. This is shown all over the world and you have to think about cultural sensitivities. But no one could mind about watching people weeing in impressive ways. Not just people. You could train horses to wee in cool ways and then give whoever is riding the horse while it does the impressive wee a medal. Horses can’t be given medals. That’s too crazy and again culturally insensitive.
Anyway, if the Olympics take up my idea I think I might finally have a chance to win a medal. Only if I am lucky enough to accidentally have one of my double stream wees not on the day of competition, but you need a bit of luck to win a medal.
Oh, we also went on holiday today.
I did a stone clearing chapter last week, but had to debate with myself whether to put up the last bit where I got an email from someone who was on TV in the 70s/80s but could only remember their character name. I managed to nearly remember their actual name after about five minutes and googled them, only to find out they had died in sad circumstances (which I didn’t recall noticing at the time, but maybe have just forgotten). In a rare moment of sensitivity (even though my confusion and embarrassment was quite funny) I decided to cut the end bit (and I still don’t know how someone who is dead managed to email me)
but the rest is here.
