I don't know what it is about final festival performances that brings out the eccentrics. In Edinburgh last year, there was a bloke in my last show who started saying "Yes!" loudly after anything I said that was remotely like a question (and a few things that weren't). I put him down quite well and asked him to stop, but it became apparent he was drunk and had no intention of stopping. So I said I couldn't be bothered with him, offered him his money back and asked him to leave. Thankfully he went (without taking his money) shouting "You're bollocks" as he left. I replied, "No, that's next year's show."
Tonight in Melbourne a fittingly small crowd watched a slightly flat show. There was some early disapproval from women (which is unusual) and the "Lazy Lesbians" line got some tuts. As happened at my first gig at the Battersea Arts Centre this year (not sure if I wrote about it) there was some consternation when I implied that women were to blame for men's feelings towards their genitlia. "It can't be men's fault," I teased (most audience's recognise that I am taking the piss), so whose fault is it?"
"It's men's fault," said a female voice.
"No, I've said it isn't men's fault. So whose fault is it?"
"It's the fault of males."
It was the last show. I thought I'd run with it and see where it took me.
"That's the same thing as men," I countered.
"Males isn't the same as men," the unfunny conversation continued.
"Well it is." I said.
"But not all males are gentlemen."
I could see we were heading into a comedic dead-end and no-one was laughing. I told the woman that maybe I would be subverting my statement in a couple of seconds, that perhaps I didn't believe what I was saying.
I was maybe a bit aggressive (no I definitely was) and I could feel the experience inexplicably getting to me. I felt hot and my voice raised a few tones. I pressed on and got through another difficult show (though some bits went better than they ever have here).
It was with some relief that I ended my season here. I would hate you to think that I have had a bad time, because much of it has been great. Most of the shows went really well, but being the person I am I enjoy writing about the bad ones more. The people who saw it mostly seemed to like it. It was a shame that more people didn't come, but as one of the women from the Festival pointed out tonight, had I not been in such a massive venue I would have actually sold pretty well and would have come away feeling I had been a success.
And it certainly doesn't feel like a failure. And at least I've learnt that being a man isn't the same as being a male.
