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I was very concerned when I got this text this morning "Hi dad, i am currently using a temporary phone as mines broken, can you please message me on my temporary number +44 xxxxxxxx” mainly because I had no idea they had phones in the first place. Of course they broke their fucking phone. They’re 8 and 5. Only an idiot would give them an expensive bit of tech like that. But nonetheless, they had managed to get hold of a phone anyway, which shows some grifting abilities for ones so young, though had then broken it - I could have told you that would happen. I was furious, but also pretty impressed that either of them could a) remember my number and b) compose a complex message like that without spelling mistakes. Then I spotted the missing apostrophe and realised that phones these days pretty much spell everything out for you and predict your next word, so they were geniuses after all.
Given both kids were at school I didn’t think there was much point in messaging them. I’d wait til they got home and then give them a valuable lesson in taking care of expensive things, apostrophes and why it was dangerous for someone under 10 to have a phone. There are all kinds of shady characters out there who could take advantage of someone as guileless and gullible as an 8 year old. It’s lucky they have me here to protect them.
Weirdly the text wasn’t sent from their temporary number, but a different number, so they must have borrowed someone else’s phone to get in touch with me. And they know I have two kids. Why didn’t they sign the message to let me know which one they were? They really are a pair of twats.
I got to have my waxy ears emptied today. Everyone had been telling me what a life changing experience this would be and maybe I was expecting too much from it, but I didn’t notice much different. When I left I was still me. So that was disappointing.
The lady sucked a big glob of wax out of my right ear and proudly showed me it, but there was nothing to get out of the left - which is the one that’s been the itchiest (though she said there was some flaky skin which she removed for me). I couldn’t work out if she had the best or worst job in the world. Would I love to remove hardened wax from strangers’ ears or hate it? It seems quite a cushy operation. She has a tiny little room off the back of her house and the ear vacuum does all the work. I guess if you think wax is gross then it would be a hardship. But hardened wax is pretty cool. She seemed proud when she showed me mine. I bet you find some weird stuff in there too and probably get to keep any valuables,
I think I could maybe hear a bit better afterwards, but then I was concentrating on seeing if I could. My footsteps made more noise than I remembered. Aside from that, life unchanged. Was fun to experience though. Would recommend. And might set up my own business if anyone fancies having their ears done.
