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My day to home school and I did pretty well I think. My daughter mainly wanted to watch some people playing Minecraft on Youtube, but I hardly let her do that at all. Because that is not educational. We did some dancing and some cutting stuff up and we went to our neighbour’s house to look at the chickens and bees and collect some eggs. Ernie was keen to go in the coop, but I mainly stopped him.
We also saw some tadpoles. That’s a field trip.
In the afternoon Phoebe was keen to go on her iPad, but I told her she had to do some drawing. She was not happy, but finally relented with an angry, “Fine†and she stormed to her table and knocked off a picture extremely quickly.
“There you go,†she told me, thrusting it into my face, “That’s you falling into some lava,†before adding a bit unnecessarily, “Because I don’t like you,â€
But then she grabbed the paper back off me and went to her table and drew something else in the flash of an eye, before returning it saying, “That’s a crocodile that’s going to eat you.â€
Apparently lava wasn’t punishment enough. I had to be eaten too.
I was actually so impressed by the comedy behind this and the impressive art that I felt flattered, rather than upset that my daughter wished me to be rescued from a fiery death by being eaten by a sharp toothed reptile. But the way she had captured both the lava and the crocodile was genuinely impressive. I couldn’t have done as well if I’d had all day and she had done this in under 30 seconds.
Look at that crocodile. It’s the least amount of effort required to make a crocodile, but also a brilliant representation of a crocodile. And one that is mildly annoyed that not only does it live I lava, but also has to eat stupid daddies.
I put it on Twitter and the reviews were good,. @ajogle said "As an art teacher I can tell you she’s captured the essence of both crocodile and lava. This is superb expression , and what Picasso was searching for all his life.â€
I tried to work out it being eaten by a crocodile or falling into lava was a better death. So not only had Phoebe beaten me at comedy and art, she had also created an amazing emergency question. She will exceed me in everything. And that is for the best.
She may hate me as much as I love her, but I am proud to be her nemesis. She may one day push me into a crocodile, but until then I will love her with all my heart and hope she never loses this spirit and artistic flair.
If she becomes a famous artist I will have all hef juvenalia and make a fortune out of it. Imagine owning Picasso's Stupid Daddy Being Eaten by a Lava-Dwelling Crocodile.
Well I own a picture that by all accounts, is better than anything he ever did.
