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As you'd expect it's a very honest deep dive into his life and his addictive personality and alcoholism. There's certainly a lot that resonates with me - I drank my way through my teens, twenties and thirties. And only slowed down a bit in my forties. Before grinding to a halt in my fifites.
I don't think I am an alcoholic - certainly John's relationship with booze is more extreme than mine. But I definitely used it as a social lubricant - finding it very hard to go out or go on dates if I wasn't drinking quite a lot. And though I didn't buy into machismo in other areas, in terms of keeping drinking into the night (and maybe also eating the hottest possible curries) I definitely associated alcoholic tolerance with manliness.
Mainly though it gave me enough confidence to not run away immediately from social situations, but ironically made me behave like enough of an arsehole that people didn't invite me to that many social situations.
It's easier to give up when you're married with kids and are in your fifties - you're not going on dates and you're hardly going out at all and you have to get up at 6am with the kids and also the hangovers and the waking up at 3am full of confusion, fear and existential dread really convince you that it's not worth the effort.
I am not sure it's ever been worth the effort.
John mentions booze almost killing him (though luckily someone was on hand to put him in the recovery position). I too, once passed out in a corridor after being sick in the toilet and might have choked on vomit and after my finals (after also being sick in the toilet- though actually on the toilet floor because I was so confused I sat on the loo and puked all over the tiles- thanks for giving me a bottle of whisky as I exited the examination halls, Emma Kennedy). After being ejected from the bar I headed off to get a curry and drink more, but as I got to the end of the road with the curry house to the right and my home to the left, a voice in my head said "Go home" and I obeyed it. I assume that was the me who died in an earlier version of this universe, who turned up to save my life.
My story is not the same as John's who took nearly all of the vices I enjoyed to a greater extreme than me. Like him, I blew a small inheritance on fruit machines during that sad second Edinburgh Fringe, when all the comedy world seemed agains me and my dreams look like they'd turned to dust.
Where was the fucking voice in my head to tell me to give up comedy there and then. Imagine how much happier my life would have been.
John also talks about blacking out, where your brain shuts down most of its functions to keep itself safe, but you are still awake and talking but you can't remember anything about what happened. As far as I know that only happened to me once and it only involved me making inappropriate jokes to a new friend at a party. I have no memory of it. But my friends told me all about it.
Maybe it happened again - how would I know - so apologies to anyone who I made dumbass jokes to in the 90s. Or murdered. Who knows?
I was very good at drinking a lot and not blacking out or passing out or being sick. I definitely drank too much. But just for 30 years or so. I doubt it's had any effect on me.
John's book is a tough read and must have been an extremely tough write, as he has to write so much about the booze that he loves, but needs to avoid at all costs. I suspect that a deep dive into your worst excesses and shames with total honesty is something that would help most people - at least make them realise that they aren't always the hero of their own story, but that level of honesty and self-knowledge is very hard to attain.
You can tell from the number of judgemental people on social media, versus the number of people you see shaming themselves in pubs and in the streets, that most people don't really have a handle of their own misbehaviour.
This is why Jesus Christ's attempt to set up a social media site failed. His only rules were" judge not lest ye be judged" and "let he who is without sin throw the first stone." Sadly no one had anything to say.
Tonight's show was the best yet - we're on top of the script now and so are able to relax and inhabit our characters, rather than panic (too much) about what the fuck is coming up next. We were initially pegged to only do 5 shows, so this would have been it if we'd stuck to that, but I am glad we added three more. I am not sure I'd like to do a play for six months, but there is so much to work on in this one and it's great to try out new ways of doing bits, so I'd feel very happy doing a month. Though maybe not for no money. And maybe if I had a hotel room so I could sleep in in the morning.
