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I can’t believe that Skeletor has sold out and done an advert. I mean I know he is evil, but how could be so immoral. And amoral. Whatever amoral means.
I was further shocked to see later in the same ad break that Captain Birdseye has also started doing ads. I think that’s a shocking misuse of his rank and the trust that he has built up with the public.
July is shaping up to be an overwhelming month and I do not have the energy levels I once enjoyed. I am nearly 50. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that. Had a shitty night’s sleep and then took my daughter to Little Gym (which is the most major work out that I am getting at the moment) and then headed home to try and do some work on the Edinburgh show before tonight’s preview in Oxford. But I fell asleep on the sofa in the afternoon and so got basically nowhere. It’s not fair that I will be judged for being underprepared. I am old. A deep afternoon sleep comes with there territory. If you complain about my show being shoddy then you are ageist.
But traditionally my stand up shows are written on stage and I scarcely used the time I had left before the show to think about what I needed to get done. I definitely need to sit down at some point and shape what I’ve got and think about what I am trying to achieve, but for the moment I probably just need to bash stuff about and see what comes out of my stupid mouth. I managed 45 minutes of nearly all new stuff today and aside from some of the more serious bits feeling a bit too serious, there was enough promise to make me think I will have an hour that works by August.
Cheeky rapscallion Ian Boldsworth was compering and it’s always a pleasure to see him. He is a fine compere and a funny and silly man in real life, which might explain why although he is hideously ugly he has a delightful and beautiful girlfriend. What might also explain it is that he is some kind of fairy tale troll who has somehow enchanted an elf with evil magic and she somehow sees him as physically attractive. Let’s just say that when he talked about having a girlfriend in his set the audience assumed that must be a joke.
If I was a beautiful woman I would go out with Ian though. In fact if I was a fairly attractive man (and I am) then I would as well (if only the archaic marriage laws of the United Kingdom allowed such a thing). He’s a bit of a dick, but he’s all right. And he’s not doing many stand up gigs at the moment so the people of Oxford were lucky to have him. And they seemed happy enough with my sprawling set. It’s not even July yet. I am going to be fine.
I am still interested in why turning 50 is not feeling like that big a deal for me, whilst when I was turning 40 I was going crazy and counting down the days. I think it’s probably because now I have some real things to worry about, like family, work and keeping on top of all the shit I have to do, whereas back then there was very little going on for me. I have some real stuff to worry about, so the ticking by of another year is meaningless. Also I am maybe too busy to have let it all sink in this time. Also the older you get the more grateful you are to simply still be alive. Who knows?
Here’s this month’s newsletter, with a picture of me and my friends at our first Edinburgh Fringe in 1987.
See who you can recognise.
And if you want a first edition Emergency Questions book do act fast. A man drove 480 of my ones to Chris Evans (not that one) this morning, but 240 of those have already sold. I have about 150 left to sell at gigs and podcasts, but those are going very quickly too. We are doing another larger print run, but it will take three weeks to be ready. So if you want a first edition or need one urgently
then order NOW.
