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Friday 24th September 2021

6873/19793

I was going to drive into London and my wife had the electric car, but I decided to conserve precious diesel and take the train instead. As long as the electric stays on we will be able to drive, but the way things are going there is no guarantee of that. What a way to find out that we actually needed migrant workers in this country. I have to say if I was one of the people who’d been told to sling my hook, I wouldn’t be rushing back to work in the UK. What an enjoyable five years it has been.
I was heading to Avalon, my evil management company, where twenty years ago I’d had some office space. It’s been a while since I’ve come there on public transport and was surprised to see that a new primary school has been built in the cut through path I used to take (though it might just have been an additional building behind the old primary school). It’s a bit of a jolt when a place you’re familiar with changes so much and you realise it’s because you haven’t really been there for years. 
I'd previously been having a coffee and writing a script in a cafe that has been at least three different businesses since Avalon moved to this area about 25 years ago. Things change. Get over it.
It was also a bit weird going in for a face to face meeting after a year and a half of zooming. I prefer the ease of having a meeting from my attic, rather than wasting a day going somewhere for an hour long conversation, but I also think you lose something by not being there in person and I think this chat went a lot better as a result of being more relaxed and face to face.
I had knocked round town a bit, walking up from Green Park to Bond Street tube station, past all the poshest shops in the world, wondering about the lives of the people who regularly shop here. I didn’t see a lot of smiling faces, which you might expect because the son was shining and you’d need to have a fair amount of money in the bank to buy anything. But maybe there aren’t many smiling faces in the UK at the moment. Money may not make you happy, but from my experience having some is a lot better than not having any. I remember living off baked potatoes and trying to work out if you had enough change in your pockets to be able to buy a round of drinks for you and a mate, or whether you’d just stay at home. 
On the train journey home I sat opposite a woman who got a phone call from what I presume was her partner. I could hear him clearly and they had an argument about whether she’d inadvertently got on a slow train. She insisted that they were all slow trains, but he got very shirty and insisted she was wrong. In fact we were on one of the quicker trains - there are slower ones that stop at more stations - and depending on where you’re headed there are a few that cut out a few of the stops we were taking. But there wasn’t much in it. He was incredibly arsey about it though, it seemed out of nowhere and as he got on his high horse about something that really wasn’t worth arguing about, she correctly hung up on him. His tone of voice had been harsh and had lacked the tenderness you’d hope to get from a lover or friend and she didn’t seem to have done anything at all to deserve this. I wanted to tell her that she was better off without him in her life, but she had maybe worked it out. Or at least I thought.
We’re all off hand and shirty and shitty with our partners at some point, I guess, especially if there is some residual issue hanging in the air. It was weird to accidentally overhear it playing out from someone else though. Why make a thing out of that? What was there to gain? He was all “I’ve taken that train route many times and I can assure you that that’sa slow train.”  Is that the hill you want your friendship/marriage to die on? You’re basically wrong anyway.
He (I am 90% certain it was the same bloke) rang back about 10 minutes later, his voice no overly playful and energetic, but neither of them referenced the previous call or apologised for either being a dick or hanging up on a dick, as they tried to arrange where they were going to meet and which station she should get out at for maximum socialising fun. The total change in personality made me think we might be dealing with a psychopath (or maybe both of them were). He wanted to drink with friends - she was definitely not in the mood. He wanted her to let him know if the train stopped at Hitchin, but she said she didn’t know and didn’t want to check what the next stop was. I could have butted in and told her, but knew I shouldn’t be listening. Equally though I was right opposite her and the line was clear as a bell. I couldn’t really not listen. He said he wanted to know how her day had been, but she said she didn’t want to talk about it in the train carriage with people listening to the conversation. I pulled my best “I am not listening to your conversation” face. 
I was getting out at the next stop anyway, so left her to this passive aggressive and occasionally pointlessly aggressive aggressive relationship. We all have our shit to deal with. They’ll probably muddle through by ignoring whatever it is that has gone wrong.

Another Retro RHLSTP with James Acaster. This one you might have missed as it was an Edinburgh Fringe one. Always great value from the young scamp.


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