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Happy 21st birthday Warming Up. An entry for every day since 25th November 2002. Unbelievable. Not necessarily in a good way.
Catie had a spa day with a friend today, so I got to do a single dad Saturday with the kids and make people think I was divorced or widowered. I made sure of creating that impression by looking sad or desperate whenever I was out and ostentatiously trying to spoil the children.Ha ha, the idiot people who assumed I was divorced. I am very happily married. I think. Was Catie really at a spa?
Ah whatever, I love her. I just want her to be happy.
In the morning we braved the cold to watch Phoebe play football. The side did well against a much superior opposition and held them to 0-0 in the first quarter, despite relentless pressure, largely due to Phoebe's brilliant defending. We were 3-0 down after the third quarter, but an early goal in the last period gave us hope of an unlikely come-back. The game ended 6-1 (I think- I lost count a bit towards the end).
Ernie tried to make a fire using some chunks of wood he'd found and some flint. Even if he had created a spark he had no kindling to get things going, but I admired his optimism and his invention. He then asked for my glasses to try and create fire from the low, cold sun. He's only six so I am impressed he knows this many different ways to make flames - he may be a budding arsonist - but all the methods failed luckily. He's obsessed with the Great Fire of London and I am sure he'd like to see our village burn.
Most of parenting involves shouting at the kids to put their fucking shoes on (you are supposed to say the fucking bit in your head, but occasionally it slips out) or trying to get them into a jumper whilst they are distracted by a bit of dust or repeatedly saying chicken instead of the actual words you mean (that might just be my son). There would be so much more time for fun if everyone just did what they were told to do the second they were asked. But kids find it fun to dick around like pricks so I guess they win either way.
We then went to the next village along for winter trail with some of the other families from school. With a band of adults and kids the anarchy increases and you have to trust that your children will stay in the group, even though they run off in all directions. I still like to have an eye on them wherever we may be, so this is stressful for me. Other parents seem much more blase about their offspring disappearing into the crowd, but I tried to be cool about it. The boomerangs returned.
I dropped Ernie off at this grandparents for a sleepover in the evening and then took Phoebe to Wagamamas for the full solo parent experience. I was looking forward to some one on one time with her, but she mainly wanted to play Roblox. We managed some human interaction though and it was a lovely thing to have a daddy/daughter date. She rightly bristled when I called it that though.
They're a pair of idiots, but they've totally got me by the heartstrings. I tell them I love them too much I think, but it's good that they know it. They may mainly take the piss and reject my love (Phoebe more than Ernie to be fair), but they know they're in a safe space to do that and they know they're everything to me. I spent all my life trying to be a comedian, but my true vocation is to be a dad (luckily you can do both). Being a dad is a lot more rewarding than being a comedian (though not financially). Being a dad is who I am. Happy to take the blows. Deserving the blows after the lifetime of rudeness to my own father. Thanks to him for setting up the safe space to allow that to continue for so very long.
Catie got home and we watched Doctor Who - not the new one, we're starting from Jodie Whittaker's arrival. It's a bit scary and tackles bigger issues than the Tom Baker days - the Rosa Parks episode includes a lot of racial epithets that required explanation and also the warning not to ever, ever say them. But Phoebe was gripped by the jeopardy and bamboozled by how the recent past could have such heinous conventions. Not that the present can get off scot free on that.
