Normal sized Andrew Collings was on his way over for an early podcast, so that he could then get home to watch what would prove to be a disappointing encounter between Brazil and Portugal. I was up nice and early and cheating by watching the Wright Stuff paper review instead of reading the papers myself. Ha ha ha, the perfect crime. Except that I had to see stupid Lembit Opik, trying to be funny, thinking he's now a comedian. The wonky-chinned twat. Good luck to him and all that, but I think he's being a bit cocky for someone who has done only one gig. At one point when Matthew Wright dared to try and be amusing Lembit even said "You do the presenting, I'll do the jokes." Something he then failed to do. And also a misunderstanding of Wright's role on the show. Being a comedian is about more than being confident (though confidence can get you a long way), but I think the the lack of humility alongside the lack of innate comic talent may be his undoing. Will he still be a comedian this time next year? I doubt it somehow. However good he is. This feels like an audition for something else. And Opik might make it. If you'd told me that the charmless Piers Morgan would be a major TV star five years ago I would have told you you were insane.
Anyway I don't want to talk about that, so stop making me. I was just going to mention that during the ad break there was that advert with the bloke who used to be on the Bill on it. You have probably seen it, if you haven't got a job or have insomnia. It starts with him saying something, "Let's get one thing straight" in a very aggressive manner. What's he going to say? "Paedophiles should be killed"? Or "if you look at my wife again I will punch you in the face"? No what he needs to get straight is that "We" are injury lawyers for you. Does that need to be made straight? Isn't the job of any advert to inform you of what or who it is for. Are lots of people at the start of the advert thinking, "This is definitely an ad for Coco Pops"? He could just take out the "Now, let's just get one thing straight," and save himself some time and his employers some money. But he looks no nonsense for having used the phrase, regardless of if you want to quibble about his use of "we". He is an actor after all. We've all seen him on the bill. I hope he isn't a lawyer. He's too aggressive.
The advert is trying to convince people who have been in accidents to sue someone else to make a few thousand pounds. Not something I am delighted to see happen in our country. There are times when it is necessary, but there are also times when ambulance chasers make themselves some money by creating a stink about stuff that really should only elicit an apology. I don't want to live in a country where everyone is seeing what they can get out of every slight mishap.
Anyway the advert claims that the company are made up of "real lawyers" which someone on Twitter suggested immediately makes you suspicious that they aren't ro why would they say that, but that they also give you 100% of the compensation,. There closing remark is 100% lawyers, 100% compensation. Are they 100% lawyers? I'd be surprised if the bloke from the Bill is for a start, but is the company entirely composed of lawyers? Do lawyers do the admin and clean the toilets and maintain the computers? If so it must cost them a lot of money to pay lawyers to do these generally low paid jobs. It is a very odd thing to say.
The podcast was relaxed and fun and we had some fun looking over some old Fringe programmes. Andrew had one from 1989, which was all black and white and had adverts which used handwriting and passport photos. Steve Coogan was doing what looked like a very mainstream comedy show with Mike Hayley and Jerry Sadowitz was the only person with a full page advert. He was (rightly in my opinion) the king of Edinburgh that year. He was represented by my management company, Avalon, who would be at the forefront of turning the Fringe into a more professional and publicity seeking machine. Also of course the cost of designing posters came down considerably, but there is something quaint and lovely about that old Fringe. I wasn't there in 89 (where Eddie Izzard was still doing his free street show) but at the two before that. Good to see that many of the names are still going, though very few quite as consistently as myself and Stewart Lee who was there that year, though not, I think in 2001 which was Andrew's next Fringe. I am pretty sure one of two of us has been up every year since 1987 though - fuck Jerry Sadowitz, we should be the kings of that town! Actually Stewart probably already is the king of Edinburgh and rightly so. Still going up in spite of his TV success, playing the Stand when he could fill a much bigger room, because it feels it has maintained the true Fringe spirit. Neither he or I were ever even nominated for the big comedy award. Would they be brave enough to give spirit of the Fringe to Stewart this year? Very doubtful. But he is like a living breathing 1989 black and white Fringe guide. And I mean that in a good way. Maybe another 25 years and they will feel forced to acknowledge the existence of one of us!
Andrew had a brochure from that too, where you could see Dara o Braian before he had no hair and Catherine Tate before she was a TV star and further chart the ups and downs of various careers. There was one sketch group at the Pleasance who unusually I could neither remember, nor recognise a single person from the photo. Usually one person at least would have gone on to forge a career of some kind, or at least a solo act. There are some people who go to the Fringe, never to return and decide they should stop dicking around and get a proper joke. Or maybe the audience make that decision for them.
Anyway it was fun taking that nostalgic walk down memory lane as well as disconcerting to think how many years I've been doing this wonderful and stupid festival. Shazia Mirza was quoted as saying that no one enjoys doing the Edinburgh Fringe (and it may well be a kind of a joke), but I do very much enjoy it these days. Though it took me maybe fourteen goes before it became mainly pleasurable. It's still the best place to do comedy, even if it's different than it was in 1987, even if some of the changes have made it worse.
Anyway, listen to two old men reminiscing about the past, as well as some other crap on the latest Collings and Herrin podcasts. Soon to be one of the thousands of shows on the Edinburgh Fringe. Hopefully the unsold tickets will be made available at www.edfringe.com before too long.
