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This girl’s eye sight is really bad. The chart is behind her. She’s trying to read the optician.
Two days to the move and I fitted in an awful lot today, almost none of it anything to do with moving. I am trying to get ahead on RHLSTP Book Clubs, as I have no idea when I will have internet in the new place, so chatted to the ace Paul Sinha about his autobiography at 10am, then went for a personal training session, then after a quick spot of lunch talked to Robert Popper about "The Elsie Drake Letters" and then headed into town to see a screening of
Alice Lowe's Timestalker.As with all of Alice's stuff this is terrific: weird and violent, sometimes confusing, darkly funny and unlike anything else. It's great to see someone with original film ideas actually getting stuff made and also for someone to tackle comedy set in different times (though it's not really time travel and you'll have to see the film to find out what it is, and even then you might not really know).
The friend I took with me questioned whether Alice might hate men. I don't think she does (#notallmen), but she is great at highlighting men's weak and hateful behaviour. And to be fair, a lot of the most horrible violence happens to her. This film is about obsession and loving the wrong person and so much more.
I was sad to see Nick Frost get the part of a masturbating, unpleasant man. All the work I have put in to being the expert at this kind of part and Frost always beats me to it. Quite comfortably usually. I only occasionally get asked to audition for the parts that he then inevitably gets. What's he got that I haven't got? Aside from talent and fame.
Maybe I need to put masturbating down as one of my specialist skills on my Spotlight entry. I have rehearsed for the role so many times.
And I'd like to use this blog to impart useful information and I think the best thing I can do with it is to let you know where you can easily have a wee in Central London. In a toilet I mean. It's easy to have a wee anywhere in Central London (for a man at least) as the yellow puddles and stink attest. Though to be fair the smell is pretty well masked by the stench of the blanket of marijuana that covers the city.
Anyway, my best place to wee used to be the Porcupine pub on Charing Cross Road, which had an upstairs toilet, which you could access via a door that didn't even go into the pub. The landlord has become wise to the wee scam though, as there is now a lock on that door. The only way to teach him how wrong he is for doing this is to wee against the door instead.
But you don't need to. Just pop to
the Curzon cinema on Shaftesbury Avenue. The loo is down two flights of stairs, but no one stops you going down there and there's plenty of urinals. I did a wee on the way in and the way out today, but did at least stop for a non-alcoholic beer the second time. There's no need to take the piss. That's their job.
You're welcome.
Keep this info to yourself though. If it gets spread too far then Ian Curzon will stop this loophole. It's almost like people don't want loads of random people's wees and poos in their places of business.
If you can't get in there is a Pret opposite, but there's a code on the toilet door - again why don't people want us to wee in their toilets? So it's not a truly free wee.
If anyone was wondering what happened to Pliny, @gingerbeardmark has found him! He's in the University of Kent comedy archives (sans beak - like a bird's beak) along with lots of stuff that Stew and me have donated. I gave Histor to the London based Museum of Comedy - I don't know if he's on display or not. It is right and proper that they should be separated.
Here's a clip (no film this week because some Sheffield idiot tripped over the camera and unplugged it)
