I was on the tube on the way to the Fortnight Club, desperately trying to come up with some new material to do. I had a couple of bits already, but needed more, so had bought a couple of papers and was scanning through them looking for stories.
I suddenly became aware of some music playing in the carriage - to begin with I thought it was just the usual thing of sound leaking from some inconsiderate idiot's headphones, but then I realised that it was too noisy and too clear for that. Someone, somewhere in the carriage was playing their music for all to hear, making no attempt to keep that as a private experience.
I have seen this a couple of times before, previously on buses where it is still quite offensive, but somehow not as bad. Young people(and it always has been teenagers so far, but maybe there are loads of grannies and businessmen doing it too - I don't want to judge) with mp3 players on their phone inflicting their dubious musical tastes on anyone within a twenty metre range.
On the tube tonight it was initially unclear exactly where the music was coming from, though I suspected the young man(or possibly woman, I really couldn't tell -so maybe all this entry is doing is showing that I have finally reached middle age) in the baseball cap by the doors. The music was loud, intrusive and of poor artistic merit. It wasn't the intimidating kind of trendy stuff you might hear on 1Extra, but was insipid middle of the road rubbish. Not that it really mattered. It wasn't what was playing that was the issue, it was the fact that someone was so inconsiderate and arrogant as to force a carriage full of people (already frazzled from a lengthy delay) to listen to their record collection. People were clearly being made agitated and uncomfortable by this aural assault, but no-one was really saying anything, knowing that the prize for speaking up might well be a knife in the stomach.That is what makes this behaviour truly unpleasant. The person doing it knows that they are overstepping a social line and that it is thus a confrontational thing to be doing, but they're also aware that most people will not speak up to voice their dissent because it might precipitate violence. It is sad to see music used as a weapon like this. There was a part of me wondering if I was being unreasonable - wasn't this person (whoever it was) helping to brighten up a grey and dull tube carriage with the gift of music. But ultimately I knew that this wasn't the case and the best you could say about them was that they were thoughtless in the extreme.
A couple of old ladies got out at one stop, looking around angrily, with one of them attempting to voice her disapproval by simply saying "Music". It made no difference.
By now I had seen the young person I suspected of the crime take their phone out of their pocket and fiddle with it. The volume of the music had increased. My prejudices against the young were confirmed. Not that I think all young people would behave in this way, only that so far it only has been young people who have. I know that most people have more respect than to behave like this. "It's like a form of torture," I heard one woman comment to a perfect stranger next to her. She wasn't wrong.
On the positive side I realised that this might make a good subject matter for the gig. But it wouldn't really be a good story if I just stood idly by and let this pass. I would have to say something. Was it worth risking death or injury to create a comedy routine? I was too scared for now.
But then the song changed and "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" came blasting out of the tinny speakers. I couldn't stop myself.I said, "If I had musical taste this bad I would buy myself some headphones, wouldn't you?" A couple of people smiled at me nervously and one woman agreed under her breath, but everyone else was aware I had now stepped forward to face the challenge that had been thrown down and they were worried that violence may now ensue.
The young hermaphrodite with the phone didn't seem to hear me though, or if they did they said nothing. The music continued.
My voice had slightly shaken with the anger that was rising up inside me and the situation was genuinely aggrivating me. The tube was stopping for long periods and I couldn't believe that someone could be this rude and stupid.
I was now steeling myself to go up to this person and tell them to turn their music off and stop being such a twat. I knew this would be a dangerous step.
But as I glared at this person in indignant disbelief I started to wonder if they were looking for a fight or if in fact they might be mentally ill. He/she was mouthing stuff to him/herself which didn't match the appalling music they were playing. This slightly changed the situation. If it was a deliberate challenge to social convention designed to make the person feel powerful by upsetting and scaring some strangers then that was one thing, but if the person didn't have the social capability to understand the consequences of their actions then that was something else. It was hard to be sure and it certainly hadn't been the case the other times I have witnessed this phenomenon. But I decided that the best way for me to overcome my rising anger wasn't to cause a scene in any case (which is what any sane anti-social idiot would be gunning for). I realised that I didn't have to subject myself to this Hell and at the next stop got out and moved to the next carriage.
It makes for a less amusing comedy routine, but I think was the right decision whatever the mental state of the person involved. In a way it's surprising that all the other people who were being tortured by this person didn't take this easy option as well. Maybe it would signify defeat, if they did that the audio terrorist would have won. But sometimes walking away is the best response.
