Thanks to the magic of the internet and the nerds on it (and more specifically reader Josh Hart) I now have at least a small copy of that Fat poster with the correct spelling - though he and others pointed out that as the quote is from the famously inept at spelling Guardian newspaper, I could argue that there is another level of humour in the quote. None of this makes the poster in my bathroom correct, but it is some crumb of comfort.
It's disconcerting to realise how our lives can change in a second and how one error of judgement or quirk of fate can send us spinning off course when everything seemed to be plodding along nicely. Tonight as I drove up to Bedford I was considering this: how when you're driving on the motorway it just takes one prick in front of you to pull out when not really looking or for a tyre to blow in the lorry alongside you and bang, your life is altered or even ended through no fault of your own. It's a sobering thought. Which was lucky because I had had five pints of lager before I got in the car. Ha ha I am only joking - eagle-eyed readers will know that I have given up drinking beer (and stuck to that- and I still haven't played poker on-line for money either, though have had a few sneaky play money sessions). In fact I had drunk five bottles of wine. No, I hadn't. I was sober. Drinking and driving is stupid and wrong and I don't do it. But the point is, one of the other idiots on the M1 might not be as fastidious as me and might be drinking from a bottle of whisky right now and the first thing I would know about it would be waking up in hospital with no legs.
I was in a jolly mood.
About twenty minutes later I was stuck behind slow traffic in the left hand lane and wanting to get on my way. It was dark and the road was busy and a steady stream of headlights was filling the middle lane. Finally I saw a gap and checked over my shoulder for the blind spot and started to pull out. And I don't know what had happened here as I was sure I'd looked properly: sometimes it can be hard to judge the perspective in the mirror or maybe a car had decided to head from the fast lane to the middle lane at the same time as me without indicating or maybe I am just one of the pricks that I was previously berating and hadn't been paying attention. But as I slowly pulled out I became aware of a car directly alongside me. I wasn't at all freaked out by this, it was a few feet away still and I just turned the steering wheel the other way and braked a little and was back where I started, but if I had pulled out a bit more recklessly or hadn't spotted this phantom car suddenly appearing from nowhere then the journey of my life would have changed very quickly and significantly. And so would the lives of whatever spectres were in the car that was passing and probably quite a few of the cars directly behind us.
Even if I walked away unscathed I might have to face up to the fact that because of me other people had been killed and injured - that must be a hard fact to live with when an accident is your fault (and yet we are all capable of errors of judgement and lapses in attention so who is anyone to judge? I was lucky this time, but does it make me any different than a person who is unlucky enough to make a mistake and cause an accident).
Luckily I am a cautious driver even when I am behaving like an idiot and so disaster was averted and bizarrely the incident didn't even particular phase me. I just headed on to Bedford, did what turned out to be a fun gig after a bit of an unsure start and then headed home again.
On the way back I was at a roundabout about to pull out when I noticed a car heading towards me with no lights on and some significant damage to the front of it. Luckily the roundabout was illuminated enough for me to spot him - though a little late, but I am sure that there was some good chance that this lunatic might cause an accident by driving in this condition. I suspect that something criminal was going on, because it was a big risk to drive in that state of repair in London as he was likely to be spotted by the police. Strangely enough the exit I wanted from the roundabout was blocked by a police car and the dingy motorist must have gone right past them. They probably didn't see him with his lights off. It's the perfect crime.
Presumably there had been an accident on the road the exit would have taken me to, so again I was lucky in my timing to have stayed in Bedford for a drink (of water, are you not paying attention?) as if I had been five minutes earlier who knows what course my life might have taken? I might have had to have a tin nose. It's a possibility.
There are surprises round every corner in this life - just try to avoid overtaking pricks like me and you should be fine.
