So I haven't had a drink since I turned 43 and have only had about 3 days of being healthy and two weeks of being ill since then. Draw your own conclusions but I don't think even Ben Goldacre would dispute the fact that I have conclusively proven that drinking is good for you and not drinking makes you ill. That is pure maths.
And as a slight aside I would just like to point out to the Apple dictionary makers that "ill" is a word in its own right and thus it's probably unwise to assume that if someone types it that they mean "I'll". And further sometimes when they type "its", they will mean "its" and not "it's" and if they don't notice what you've done they will end up looking like a moron.
Anyway I was up early to do some radio interviews, one with Geoff Lloyd at Absolute (which will be on next week) in which he commented that although he had interviewed me a few times that he didn't know me in real life. I wondered if the Geoff Lloyd show somehow takes place in Geoff Lloyd's dreamscape. Maybe it's like total recall or something.
Having said what I said above, once you know that Apple will change its to it's, it means that if you know you want to put it's you can just put its and it will do it for you. I wonder if overall that saves you time.
Next I was on the Lauren Laverne show, live on 6Music. She was pregnant and I wondered if Collings had had a hand in that - and I think he would have used his hand, as opposed to the useless nubbin that might be called his penis. If he has successfully embed the 6Music DJ chair with his gametes in order to impregnate female presents so that he can sit in for them (on his own spermy residues) while they are on pregnancy leave, then on this occasion his plan has failed as he has not got the job this time. And Laverne will be left to raise the strange hairy, squeaky voiced big chinned cuckoo in her nest.
I asked Lauren how many kids she had and she said that this was her second. I expressed my surprise saying I thought it had been more than that, but she seemed quite sure about the number, but promised to do a recount at home that night in case she was mistaken.
It was a fun interview, though unsettling to be sitting in my usual seat and being polite and charming to the person I was talking to rather than calling them an idiot and talking over them on purpose.
Then unbelievably I had to head home to pack for Edinburgh. I am driving up to Scarborough for a gig tomorrow night, then on to Newcastle (sold out I am afraid) and will be smelling the brewery fumes of Auld Reekie on Sunday lunchtime. It doesn't seem possible that it's time for that again already. And though I have spent much of July in a fug of vomit and snot it has disappeared with indecent haste.
I had been feeling better, but when I got on stage in a small, hot, packed room in Stoke Newington I realised my throat was still hurting and my head was spinning a little, but I got through it all. It is not a good sign that I am stricken with the traditional third week Edinburgh lurgy in -1th week.
Too. Old. For. This. Shit.
