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Just a couple of hours of Civ II today (though it's very hard to step away - you just keeping "one-more-turn"ing and suddenly another hour/day/lifetime has flown by). I have now conquered almost the entire world (I've allowed the Persians to keep one city, but subvert any citizens of soldiers I come across - I could easily subvert the city too, but am allowing their culture to survive) and I did it with the bare minimum of physical force. Now the fun part where I just try to make my huge empire run as efficiently as possible and make my citizens happy. Especially when they're in cities that weren't once mine. See I am a better ruler than Genghis Khan. I could literally play this forever and probably will.
I wondered if in difficult times whether people will turn to more peaceful video games or does it make more people violent. If you're living in a war zone (as we all soon will be) would it be fun/eductaional to play war games? Or would your fantasy life be one of peace and building.
For me it's probably just old age. I used to enjoy/be delightedly horrified by nuclear bombing cities in this game and building up squadrons of Stealth bombers to take on civilizations still in the Stone Age, but now I would prefer no war at all. But it's just like i'd prefer the Walking Dead to be about rebuilding peacefully rather than fighting zombies and evil people.
I still took the day off and relaxed and read. In the bath I was thinking about how much money it would take to make me stop ever doing comedy again. Like a reverse kickstarter, where people who hated you could pledge money and if you hit your target you'd agree to stop producing any kind of content. It would be a real chance for trolls to put their money where their mouths are. If I could get a clear million (after taxes) I reckon that would do me. I could pay off my mortgage and I think have enough to see me through. I reckon I annoy more people than who like me. This could be a valid retirement package.
I then wondered if there was a game show in this. I'd call it "How Much Would It Take For You To Fuck Off?" It's sort of like a cross between Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Deal or No Deal, with just one question- how much would it take for you to fuck off? Each round the player is offered a certain amount of money to fuck off. This can be a variety of things- a celebrity has to agree to never be on TV again, a partner or ex can agree to never contact their ex again, someone can leave a job or the country. The player is offered an amount of money which they can accept and then they have to fuck off or reject in which case they might get a higher offer to fuck off OR they might have pushed it too far, exceeded the highest limit and get nothing (but also not have to fuck off). I'd be tempted to say they still have to fuck off if they fail to win any money, but I think not fucking off still has to be a choice and there would be no compunction for the game show to offer any high amount then. Also no one would come on the show.
There'd have to be an iron tight legally binding contract in place where the person forfeited their prize if they didn't completely fuck off to the agreed parameters.
It could be called "We've All Got Our Price" if mainstream TV finds the title too offensive, but to be honest it really needs the swear word in it to work. And the audience get to shout "Off You Fuck" as the contestant leaves.
In an ideal world the money would be pledged by viewers, so we get a real democratic edge to it and the prizes could be huge.
How much would you pay Paddy McGuinness/Mrs Brown/ Stewart Lee to stop working? And how much would it take for them to go?
How much would you pay for your annoying work mate to get a different job? And how much would they want to leave?
How much would you pay your ex to stop drunk texting you? And how much would they want to stop?
Mainly though I think it will be used to end the careers of entertainers and online personalities.
If I was on and it got to £500,000 tax free then I'd maybe bend on my million pound limit. Or would I hold out for the full mill? It's a small price to pay to stop me attempting comedy. Though you'd have to factor in as the host how committed the player was. I'd kind of like the excuse to bow out before my career becomes properly humiliating and I'm already barely writing anything comedic any more.
It's a show with an unlimited prize pool - maybe the show puts up a certain amount and then people can pledge (their donation is returned if the player doesn't take the money). Maybe that's even a joker the player can play. We've offered you £250,000 to fuck off. You can now ask the audience. If they pledge the same amount in the next two minutes then you can walk away with half a million. How much do you think the public hate you?
You understand that if you take this money you do have to fuck off?
You've been offered £25,000 to fuck off and you've rejected it. I am afraid that that was your top offer. You fucked it. But you don't have to fuck off. Now fuck off.
There's lots of possibilities. If you're a broadcaster with deep pockets please get in touch.
