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I don't know why anyone takes drugs. Just blow up a couple of large novelty swimming pool rubber rings using lung power. Exactly the same effects (also danger of death)
I hope I can make all my kids' dreams come true, but I managed to make one of the dreams of one of my kids come true this morning when I realised I needed a poo and found out Ernie needed a poo too. I went downstairs and he went upstairs and he rang me from his iPad and we counted down from three and pooed simultaneously.
It was very tastefully done. All right it was not all that tasteful, but given how untasteful it could have been, it was not all that bad. The cameras stayed on our faces and we only briefly talked about the actual poos.
Should I be indulging this? Years in the future will an incredulous therapist read this blog and shake their head and say "Well that explains it". Minutes in the future will a policeman arrive to arrest me for pooing simultaneously with a child? Or is this crime so obscure as to not be on the statute books? I read today about a man who was killed having sex with a horse (the man was the letterbox) but none of the people who were doing this activity with him could be sent to prison as there was no law against bestiality in (I think it was) Washington. I bet there isn't a law about pooing at the same time as your child and talking to them via an iPad and iPhone. Maybe there should be.
Ernie was so delighted to have so quickly fulfilled this inexplicable ambition and I am hopeful that this was just about poo being funny. It was quite funny to be fair. Maybe he'd be more in need of therapy if I'd refused to do this and made him think there was some kind of stigma attached to talking to your dad as you simultaneously poo. There isn't a stigma. But only because no one has ever thought of even doing this before.
We will not be doing it again.
It's been tough to find the time to do Newsround, what with a poorly dog and having to babysit my own kids, but I risked it this evening and
covered the very serious topic of climate change. One of the kids I was meant to be babysitting makes an appearance at the end. He was wearing a mask so there was no way of knowing which kid it was. Who'd have thought he likes talking to people on the toilet when he's on the toilet? I hope he gets cancelled.
