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Wednesday 5th April 2006

I had found it difficult to sleep because of the smell and taste of mash and it was a 7am pick up so I was weary today. Luckily I didn’t have to meet mash today though, but my greedy fat character instead gorged himself on raw carrots in one scene and a roast chicken in the others. This was a lot more acceptable. Carrots do not start to smell strange and induce nausea and chicken is always delicious. I would be happy to be a carrot and chicken eater as my new profession, but doubtless no-one would pay for that. Only a rank mashed potato eater would be likely to be employed in today’s competitive consumption market.
Apart from the early starts acting is an easy job which mainly involves sitting around waiting for stuff to happen. Today we realised we had a TV in our Winnebago and so we watched some daytime TV to get us through the morning. This is just like being a writer except you get to talk to people and pretty girls bring you sandwiches. And you don’t get anything written. So just like being a writer then.
We watched the Jeremy Kyle show in disbelief at this false-faced self-aggrandising idiot. He is made worse by the fact that he seems to believe he is provided a service to these people. But if he was interested in providing a service then surely he would do so outside of the glare of the TV studio lights. He’s horrible. Later on he turned up as a guest on Loose Women and made us scream in disbelief again. The most annoying thing was the way he sat, with his leg up beneath the desk and his arm draped across the back of the chair of the woman next to him. In my next scene I was called upon to be slightly lecherous to the pretty actress in the chair next to me at the dinner table (this part is a big stretch for me, I have to say) and I decided as a tribute to Jeremy Kyle I would put my leg up on her chair and my arm across the back of it. I felt requisitely sleazy. It was of course an unusual sensation for me. But if I ever win an Oscar for this performance I will have to thank Jeremy Kyle in my speech for giving me my motivation.

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