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Yes, AI is a force for evil (by which I mean Artificial Intelligence, not Al Murray... although...) but I used it the other day to create that mock up of me being 60 with a birthday cake, so I could be like all the other celebs on Facebook. And while I had the app open I wondered whether AI was getting any closer to putting me out of a job.
So I asked it to come up with a full stand up show script for "Oh Shit I'm 60!" so that I didn't have to write it. And to say it came up trumps is to do the thing a disservice. The show is ready to go. Book the theatres. I am on my way.
It might have come up a bit short. In length and also of jokes. But with laughs, which the AI also seemed confident would come, I think I've probably got enough here. If I do a bit of crowd work first.
Without further comment, here is the new show
Title: "Sixty Seconds to Laugh: The Art of Aging"
[Lights dim, audience cheering]
Richard Herring walks on stage, grinning widely.
"Good evening, everyone! Yes, that’s right, I’ve hit the big six-oh! It’s a wonderful age; I mean, I do feel wiser… well, slightly. Apparently, 60 is the new 40. That’s what I keep hearing, but who comes up with these ‘new ages’? Is there a committee? 'Hello, yes, we’re here to evaluate age thresholds... ooh, 60! Let’s just push that back a couple of decades.'”
[Audience laughs]
“Turning 60 is funny in itself. I woke up on my birthday, looked in the mirror, and thought, ‘Well, there’s my future… but I didn’t realize my future also involves the possibility of a hip replacement!’ My body is like a second-hand car. You know it's going to need maintenance. I've got that ‘slightly rusty’ look, and I can hear a strange noise coming from the left side!”
[Pauses for laughter]
"Now, when I was 20, I thought 60 was ancient. You know, like a dinosaur, or that wizard from those fantasy films. But here I am, feeling surprisingly sprightly! I jumped out of bed that morning, had my banana, did some stretches… and then I remembered I shouldn’t jump anymore. Not at my age! It might cause seismic activity!"
[More laughs]
"I tried to think of the positives. You know, I can now say whatever I want, and if people get offended, I can just shrug it off with, 'Oh, bless them, they’re just not old enough to get my humor.' I mean, with age comes the ultimate freedom: the right to not care."
[Audience nods and chuckles]
“And don’t even get me started on technology! Do you think when you’re 60 you get a magical understanding of smartphones? No! It's like they're speaking ancient Greek! I swear my phone is mocking me. ‘Oh, you’re turning 60? Here’s a new update you won’t understand! Enjoy your confusion!'”
[Laughter builds]
"And let’s not even touch on social media. At 60, I’ve received more friend requests from people I don’t know than I have birthday wishes! Is there a handbook on how to navigate LinkedIn or Tinder at this age? Like a survival guide: 'How to Flirt with One Foot in the Grave!'”
[Audience roars with laughter]
"But here’s the crux, I think I’m finally becoming that wise old sage everyone warned me about. You know, the one who gives unsolicited advice? I see a young person struggling with their dreams and think, 'Ah, youth! The folly of your zest! You’ll learn… eventually!' And perhaps offer them a nice slice of cake to soften the blow of reality.”
[Pause for effect]
"Sixty, my friends, seems less like an end and more like a beginning. A fresh start for your middle-aged crisis! You finally have the time to reflect… on how to balance your hearing aids and your glasses! And let’s not forget the thrill of finally being able to tell kids to get off your lawn without any consequences! Ah, the joys of aging!"
[Cheers and applause]
"You know, I’ve realized life is a bit like a sitcom. It just gets better with age... well, until it’s canceled due to lack of viewership! But if I can still get up here, make you laugh, and have a good time, I think I’m doing alright."
[Audience claps and cheers]
"Thanks for celebrating sixty with me! Remember, we’re all just a little bit ridiculous, no matter the age. Now, who’s ready for cake?"
[The crowd erupts with laughter and applause as he walks off stage, smiling.]
There we go. Out of a job. As a writer. But my job as a stand up as got even better.
I don't really like any of the jokes, but what I do admire is AI's confidence in itself. Not only does it write jokes, it also assumes the audience reaction. As long as the audience also does what AI tells it then this material can't fail,
"Now who's ready for cake?"
The crowd erupts with laughter and applause.
Is AI assuming that the crowd have been given a lot of drugs before the show started?
"Audience nods and chuckles" is even better really.
And I love the assumption that only the joke "I've got that ‘slightly rusty’ look, and I can hear a strange noise coming from the left side!” is so subtle that I would have to pause for the audience to laugh. I think I might be pausing a long time.
But it's a bad workman who blames his tools and if I can't make this stuff work as the AI predicts then it is my fault, not the AI's.
Never mind that no sitcom gets better with age and that the opposite is pretty much universally true. You try coming up with comedy if you've never been alive or experienced anything and don't exist. It's tough.
The only bit I really like and think I might use is " 'Ah, youth! The folly of your zest!" The folly of your zest. What a great concept. Sometimes just chucking nonsense together produces something beautiful
