7821/20762
The tour begins, though I was a bit distracted in my prep (mainly because I don't like doing prep and am easily distracted).
A DPD delivery guy arrived with a box and said "I think this is for you," which in hindsight was a weird thing to say, as surely he would know whether it was for me or not. I thought it was for me because I recognised the box. It was from the company that made our big RHLSTP mugs for guests and kickstarter backers and crew. I was a bit confused about why they were sending another box, but vaguely remembered that a box might have gone missing a couple of years back, or alternatively that Chris Evans (not that one) might have repurposed a box to send me something.
So I accepted the box, didn't look at the address and opened it up. Under some newspaper was a book I didn't recognise and the box was clearly full of loads of different books. Had a publisher sent me these in the hope of getting a guest on RHLSTP Book Club. I often get a single book like that, but never a box full and why was it in the box of a company that makes slightly oversized mugs? As I delved further I saw a couple of books I recognised and slowly worked out what had happened.
A week or so ago, in an attempt to declutter before the move, I had taken a box of books that I didn't think I'd need again to a charity shop. I'd taken them in a box from the garage - this very box. But most of these books weren't mine and why would they end up sending it back to me. On closer examination of the box I saw it was addressed to one of those online companies that sells second hand books - so the charity shop had clearly sold them a selection of the more saleable books (or less saleable?) rather than use their shop. But why had the package come to me, when the address on the front was for somewhere in the Midlands?
It had taken me an embarrassingly long time, due to confusion, excitement and more confusion to realise that the box had my address on the side. It was a delivery in error - an understandable one, possibly , though weird to go for the less prominent address than the one on the top of the box.
I am a good citizen who likes to be distracted so I didn't just decide to keep the bounty of books that I didn't want including some that I'd actually given away. It was ironic that in an attempt to declutter I had just received the same number of books back. I tried to contact DPD to get them to deliver the books to the right place. But it was extraordinarily difficult. The contact page on their website had a phone number, but said it would take 15 mins to respond, there was a chatbot thing you could use, but it didn't recognise the reference number,. you could apparently use Whatsapp but when I tried that it went to a page saying the website was unrecognised and there was an app, which I didn't hold out much hope for, but when I tried to download (on my ipad) it required a mobile number to send a text to. My phone was of course out of order and the messages on my computer usually doesn't receive stuff like this and my ipad stopped getting messages in 2022. I had already wasted about 15 minutes.
I found an email address on Twitter, but that just sent me an email back saying I should use the app. It was pretty frustrating. All I wanted to do was email them, tell them to come and pick it up and get on with my day.
DPD doesn't have a Twitter page - there's just a parody one that I accidentally tweeted to before realising my error. It suggests they get so many complaints that they don't think it's worth having an actual account and the fact that someone has set up a parody one confirms that (though they must get a lot of complaints from people who haven't spotted the joke). I tried Instagram but got no response. All avenues seemed very much geared up to people who were customers rather than people who were trying to sort out errors that were nothing to do with them.
I was pretty certain I was going to have to drive into Hitchin again to give the box back to the charity shop. No good deed goes unpunished.
But someone on Twitter gave me an email address that went straight through to some executive and finally that seemed to do the job. I'd later get an email asking for my phone number, but by then a driver had been to the house and picked up the box. Phew.
Seriously though, it should be easier to contact companies with non-urgent enquiries than DPD had made it.
I then drove into town for my gig and to buy a new phone. I have enjoyed not having one and think I could almost make it work without, but the Apple Watch battery goes down very fast if you take calls on it and as I'd seen with this app debacle. I also had a QR code to use to get in and out of the car park and my printer refused to print it and it wasn't going to be so easy to hold up my laptop or iPad. Phones are pretty useful. I just need to use them less.
The guy at the Apple store looked at my green screen phone with a bug chip in it and laughed when I asked if they'd give me any money for it. Which was expected. I also took in an old Ipad and two old Apple Watches (I didn't know I'd had that many - I am pretty sure I cashed another one in), which again, were of no value to me, but could be recycled by Apple, presumably for some kind of money. So my bath time accident was an expensive error, but at least I had the latest model of phone (to now break). I refused insurance - it seems poor. You have to pay £80 for any repair regardless. I'll take my chances. Even though I have broken a watch and a phone this last year and also dropped my laptop out of my car earlier this week. I like to live dangerously. And also to update my gadgets. So clumsiness is my superpower.
The gig at the Leicester Square Theatre was an extraordinary start to the tour proper. Sold out, or as near as dammit and an amazing crowd and incredible reception. I was slightly annoyed about some very minor stumbles in the first half and some solid forgotten bits in the second. But what I am liking about this show is that it's a bit more fluid than some of my more scripted shows. It will doubtless get pegged down a bit more as the tour continues, but I am adlibbing a lot of things that are coming up by accident and aren't really useable another time and speaking from the heart rather than with a solid idea of what I want to say, which is much more effective, even if I struggle to find the words. It's a very funny show, but the emotional bits work well and my daughter has had carte blanche to draw some pictures for the end, which are very funny and surprisingly apposite, given how little direction I gave her.
I am not at all sure how the sales are going to go, but great to start with a 98% attendance and such a fantastic response (one man tried to get a standing ovation going, which he failed to do, but is still the closest I've got to one of those). Reviewers were in, so hopefully some good crits will help sell more tickets. Right Bollock, aware that there were critics in, deliberately messed up his bit so that I'd lose a star or two, but his arrogance will mean he will perform well in future shows - pretty sure this will be a highlight.
But new stuff occurring to me all the time for the conclusions to be drawn from all this. I think the second half especially will be pretty different if you see the end of the tour.
One of the conclusions though is that a brush with death makes you realise what's important and what's not important (sorry I forgot to say this tonight, I guess I didn't think it was important) and as helpful as good reviews might be, it doesn't feel as important as doing a show that I personally am proud of. At the end tonight I told the audience I hoped they'd enjoyed it, but in it didn't matter if they hadn't. In the grand scheme of things. It felt like most of them had though!
