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With comparatively few commitments and no deadline handing over me for the first time all year I am beginning to feel like a normal human being again. The fact that I probably took on too much this year really hit home today as I found the diary I had been using to keep myself organised for the first half of the year. In the front was a year planner where I had mapped out all my tour gigs, Meaning of Lifes (previews and shows), RHLSTPs, Edinburgh previews and Edinburgh shows. I am not sure that absolutely every gig was in there, but in the first eight months of this year I only had 97 days when I wasn’t gigging at night and I also wrote five Meaning of Lifes, a play, a new stand up show, an episode of Man Down, a comedy drama pilot, 244 blogs and did 3 months of weekly Fubar shows. On the two main projects I was not only not getting paid, but paying to do them. At a rough estimate I think that eight months of work might just have broken even (not taking into account money I needed for food and living expenses).
That is clearly too much work in too short a time. I have decided to pin that Year Planner to the cork board above my desk to ensure I never do anything as idiotic again. It makes me feel sick to look at it. It’s no wonder that at the moment I feel like never writing anything again. I am fairly confident that 2015 will have a very different life/work balance. I think I always knew that 2014 had a make or break vibe to it. I am not quite broken, but I am certainly not made. I tried, I failed. The lesson is never try (to quote Homer Simpson).
Tonight I relived the Fringe by taking part in All Day Edinburgh, an eight hour showcase of just a few of the acts from this year’s Festival. One of the other acts told me that they had found it heartening (in a strange way) to read my blogs about my disastrous time. It’s worth remembering that for the vast majority of performers the Fringe is a difficult time. Only a handful will come away feeling like they’ve had a “success”. She said that no other writers or performers other than comedians would pay out their own money to do shows. But I am glad that I took the gamble and am proud of what I’ve achieved this year. And I will make all the money back (none of your badge donations to the podcasts will be used to pay off my debts - in fact I don’t get any of that money at all - it all goes to paying the crew and making new stuff). The only way to get money to me is to buy my DVDs at www.gofasterstripe.com. But you know, I’ll only waste it on some other insane comedy project, so don’t encourage me.
I am pretty certain (at least I hope that this is the case for the sake of everyone else) that I made the biggest financial loss of any comedian at this year’s Fringe. It’s my only accolade from the 23 years I’ve been up there. On my year planner Edinburgh is a big green border between continuous and light gigging. It looks like the end of something or the beginning of something. Probably both. Priorities are going to be very different now. I’ve given it all a really good go and it might be time to accept what the world seems to be trying to tell me. And who knows by not trying quite so hard or just by having a bit of a break from a lot of this stuff I might come back stronger. Or I might come back realising what a monumental waste of the precious gift of life this has all been.
I feel happy and relaxed for the first time in a long time. I enjoyed the hard work and was full of confidence until I ran headlong into that green brick wall of the Fringe, diving into it like a man who could only live in a vacuum. But as much as I love my work and as much as like us all I need to work (especially now that I am responsible for another human being), I am not going through all that again.
After my set hosts Michael Legge and Robin Ince mocked my financial failure, saying that to replicate the Edinburgh experience I had agreed to give the Free Fringe (who the benefit was for and ironically the success of which is partly to blame for my own poor ticket sales) £9000 before proceeding to suggest titles for future shows “Oh Fuck, I’m Broke” or “Someone Can’t Afford Yoghurt”. I laughed through my tears!
It was a great event and it was cool to briefly hang out with the other comics, something I pretty much failed to do during the actual Fringe. What a fool I have been. What a waste of the precious gift of life.
Talking of which I found time to record a Rememberance Day/ 9/11 frame of Me vs Me Snooker in which the players attempt to pay respectful tribute to millions of dead. They fail quite spectacularly.
. Whatever else falls by the wayside the snooker will never stop. I have learned what is important in life this year and what is important is playing yourself at snooker in a never ending and unwinnable match that can only be ended by death.
