8564/21483
I had woken up super early and my eye was really hurting. I don't know if I had punched myself in the night or some kind of evil fairy had got into the room and put fairy dirt in there, but I was tired and grumpy. I drove the kids to school and really had to concentrate through the pain and fatigue. As long as I could get them there in one piece, it was fine. If I crashed and died on the way home then so be it.
I was treating this like a doomed mission up Everest or like I was Captain Oates. My kids survival was the trade off I made with fate. Just let me get the two miles to school and then you can do with me what you will.
Fate decided not to get involved in this embarrassing debacle and I can't blame it. It has a reputation to uphold. Imagine how it would be treated by the other metaphysical concepts if they found out it had bargained away the life of a a tired dad (and whoever he crashed into)
I decided to run some errands. But as I drop the kids at 8am this made errand-running slightly tricky. I was able to get to the supermarket, but was done there by 8.30, so I went for a coffee at Caffe Nero.
I had already had a coffee at home with breakfast, but another one couldn't hurt. Plus I get vouchers with my bank account so I can drink at Caffe Nero for free (if you ignore the bank charges). The lady at the counter asked if I wanted a regular or strong coffee and although I pretty much think coffee is coffee and any attempt to charge you more for the beans is a scam, I went for the strong beans. Also when coffee is free, it doesn't matter if you're paying more. Game, set and match.
And Jack-in-the-Beanstalk me if those strong beans didn't also turn out to be magic beans. Beans that if Keir Starmer had any control over this country would surely be illegal to sell. The strong beans expanded my consciousness, allowed me to see through the flimsy veneer that separates the infinite versions of this Universe and travel through time. Also it really woke me up and stopped my eye hurting.
I don't think I have ever had quite this level of high from coffee. I was absolutely buzzing for the next hour. Not in a headachy, shaky, too much caffeine way. I was just the King of the Universe, felt as good as I had felt bad upon waking and my synapses were snapping like those little Fun Snap Bangers that you sometimes got at school, even though they were illegal in this country and you had to smuggle them through customs. They looked a bit like tiny, papery dim sums, but I didn't know that then. I just liked the bang and the illegality and extreme danger.
I had seen the mind of God.
It wasn't as good as you'd expect, but it is still worth the trip. 3 stars.
I have very nice coffee at my house and it perks me up every morning. But now I can't drink that filth. I need this cocaine coffee. With this in my system there will be no stopping me.
Sadly I didn't use the hour of travelling on another plane to create great art. I just bought some drinking chocolate and then some art supplies (going to give it a go) and then tried to pick up my dry cleaning, but the shop was shut and there was a note on the door saying they'd be back at 9.46am, which seemed a bit specific. And then I had to take Wolfie to get her vaccinations.
Then my eye started hurting again and I was tired and was ejected from the mind of God via the nostril of God and returned to my humdrum life.
This blog has not been sponsored by Caffe Nero, but you should go. And remember the code for the drugs is "strong beans".
