Warming Up

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My eldest seems to have made a realisation about Christmas. I won't say what that realisation in case anyone else has yet to make it. Last year she had her suspicions, but this year when she'd completed her list and I told her who I would send it to I was greeted by a sarcastic sneer. Fair enough. She is 28 years old.

She didn't seem too dispirited. Or dispirited at all. Though I know she will go along with it all for the sake of her brother (until he gets annoying - so about five minutes) And I was mainly pleased that she knew. But also I felt a little bit teary about it all. On behalf of the guy she'd turned against. Who has put in a lot of work over the years, just to be dumped for being unlikely. Relief mixed with sadness. What a rollercoaster being a parent is.

I feel a lot of affinity with they guy. Sometimes it feels like I am him. I don't want her to stop believing in me.

All I want is for these kids to grow up safe and happy. But to do that do they actually also have to grow up?

The other one still believes. I will tell him the truth when he's 16.