Friday 25th September 2026

Friday 25th September 2026

8694/21613
A reminder to everyone planning to make a cumpkin this Halloween: Please use appropriate protection to ensure you don’t create any human/pumpkin chimeras.
Look at this poor child. Shunned by humans, shunned by pumpkins, living in a pumpkin patch and living off the pumpkin corpses of her family.
Making a cumpkin is for life, not just for Halloween.

I am entering the period of my life where I am just a full time, unpaid taxi driver for my children. I did both school runs today and Catie took Ernie to Taekwondo and I took Phoebe to football. There's hardly a minute left in the day for me to write about wolves at doors or do a puppet show about giant vegetables. Oh my God, I've wasted my life. Ah well, too late to do anything about it now.
A bit of excitement on the pick up school run as there was an ambulance blocking my side of the road and a teenager sitting on the path. A car had just pulled up and some women had jumped out and were comforting the teen. There was a bike beside him a car parked up in front of the ambulance, so I would guess that the teen had been knocked off his bike by the car. The kid was, I think, OK and didn't look in major pain, but he stayed sitting down. No one was in any rush to get him in the ambulance. When I returned from the school 10 minutes later there was no sign of anything.
It's every parents nightmare of course. Also every drivers. I'd literally just been thinking about how you'd cope if a kid ran in front of your car and you couldn't brake in time. It wouldn't be your fault, but that wouldn't make it any better.
Life can change in an instant. It's amazing that we can forget about that and still get on with stuff. It made me want to wrap my kids in bubble wrap. But apparently that will kill them as they won't be able to breathe. You can't win as a parent, can you?
The way his (presumably) mum ran towards him when she arrived was moving. Even though I could only see her from behind I could tell it was a mixture of horror and relief.
All this time worrying about wolves at doors when something like this can happen any time. Take care out there. And leave some mouth and nose space if you go for the bubble wrap option.

More about outsize veg plus some home truths and realisations about my own comedy in today's Newsround








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